Satire

A local business in Ho Chi Minh City has created an altar dedicated to Buddha in the middle of their boutique. The awkwardly positioned statue, located near the front door, is causing more confusion than actual devotion.

While most businesses focus on creating a welcoming environment for customers and hiring attentive staff, this business seems to think that praying to a statue is the key to success. According to sources, the owner believes that the more they pray to Buddha, the more customers will flock to their store.

But this questionable strategy isn’t the only issue. Customers have complained about the lack of attention from staff, who seem more interested in scrolling through social media on their phones than assisting customers with their purchases.

When confronted about these concerns, the owner of the store stated that praying to Buddha is more effective than actually paying attention to customers. “Buddha is like Santa Claus,” the owner explained, “you ask for something and he delivers it to you. If we just focus on pleasing customers, we might risk losing our spiritual edge.”

While some customers might be drawn in by the exotic aesthetics of the boutique, it seems that overall, the altar to Buddha is seen as a confusing and inadequate substitute for genuine customer service. Customers expect a business to meet their needs, not to pray for them.

In addition to their reliance on prayer, the business also seems to lack basic business skills such as marketing and inventory management. “Those things are just too complicated,” the owner admitted. “Prayer is much easier. And besides, this is family money anyway. We can always get a loan we won’t pay back if the Buddha statue or our dead relatives don’t come through for us.”

It’s clear that the business is taking a … Read more

Saigon’s English teaching shortage has been a concern for years, but good news has finally arrived. Thanks to increased documentation and educational requirements, this shortage is no more! That’s right, all you need to do is make the process so complicated that seasoned educators with years of experience in the field move to other countries.

It turns out that having a degree in English and a teaching certification just doesn’t cut it anymore. In order to teach the language, you must have a degree in education. This has caused many longtime educators to throw in the towel and leave the country, paving the way for fresh-faced, inexperienced teachers who can meet these new requirements.

All of these new regulations have made Saigon’s English teaching system just like other Asian countries, except without the decent full-time salary or benefits. China, Korea, Japan, and countless other countries offer full-time pay, benefits, flights and housing. Middle-aged English teachers in Vietnam who have been in the game for years are left with no benefits and no future retirement plans, unlike underpaid HR rejecting talent or teaching assistants who complain about their pay now, but will surely be raking in the dough once they hit middle age.

It seems that the English teaching industry in Saigon is mimicking the Mexican fruit pickers in America. Sure, Mexicans get free housing, but middle-aged English teachers are left with nothing but a stack of papers and a degree that is no longer relevant. The good news is, if you’re a fresh-faced, inexperienced teacher looking for work, Saigon is the place to be! Just make sure you have the right paperwork, and you’ll be on your way to a short and fruitful career.

A Paradise of Surveilled Secrets and Unfiltered Confessions

Saigon, Vietnam – In a bizarre twist that blurs the lines between privacy and voyeurism, the owner of a local bar, aptly named Potato, has taken surveillance to unprecedented heights. With a zeal that borders on obsession, this bar owner has transformed their establishment into a den of cameras, microphones, and potentially embarrassing revelations.

As you step into Potato Bar, you might feel a strange tingling sensation down your spine. It’s not just the buzz of conversations and clinking glasses that fills the air; it’s the owner’s insatiable desire to capture every moment, every word, and every awkward drunk dance move for posterity. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the bar where Big Brother meets mixology.

The owner’s obsession with surveillance knows no bounds. With not one, but two camera angles meticulously covering every square inch of the bar, they revel in the ability to catch their customers in compromising situations. Whether it’s a drunken confession of undying love or a botched attempt at breakdancing, no moment escapes the watchful eyes of the omnipresent cameras.

But it doesn’t stop there. Oh no, every square inch of the bar is micro-phoned and taped, allowing the owner to eavesdrop on every conversation as if they were a fly on the wall. The perverse pleasure derived from hearing customers’ deepest secrets, uncensored jokes, and even mundane complaints brings a wicked grin to the owner’s face and a wetness to their under-regions.

The potential for scandal is endless. Imagine one of Potato Bar’s regulars deciding to run for public office. The owner’s surveillance footage could easily contain a treasure trove of embarrassing moments, from drunk fart jokes to impromptu karaoke performances of questionable talent. It’s the stuff of campaign nightmares and the owner’s secret delight.

As … Read more

By Ngyuen Ayi

In a relationship that defies the laws of time, space, and common sense, a Vietnamese partner has taken the art of knowing each other’s whereabouts to new, otherworldly heights. Despite the partner’s penchant for disappearing for days on end to visit alternate realities, attending classes at bizarre hours like Sunday evenings, and participating in ghostly possession events during death anniversaries, the other half remains undeterred in their quest to keep tabs on their loved one.

While most couples rely on mundane methods like texting or phone calls to check in on each other, this extraordinary Vietnamese partner has mastered the art of multiverse navigation and time bending to maintain an unprecedented level of surveillance.

While their partner embarks on interdimensional adventures, hopping between parallel realities and exploring the mysteries of the cosmos, the ever-watchful partner is left to grapple with the mind-boggling question of “Where on Earth—or beyond—is my significant other now?”

But fear not, dear readers, for this Vietnamese partner possesses a unique set of skills. They have honed their abilities to keep track of their loved one’s whereabouts even in the most extraordinary circumstances. Armed with a supernatural GPS and an unrelenting determination, they navigate the complex web of alternate realities, transcending time and space to ensure their partner’s location is never truly a mystery.

Picture this: It’s a lazy Sunday evening, the perfect time for relaxation and quality time together. But in this relationship, Sunday evenings are reserved for attending classes at the oddest hours. Who needs a conventional schedule when you can embrace the quirks of the multiverse? While the rest of the world enjoys their leisurely evenings, this extraordinary Vietnamese partner immerses themselves in knowledge, undeterred by the limitations of time and societal norms.

And let us not forget the death anniversaries, … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

Popularity Trumps Quality: A Musical Adventure in Vietnamese Cafés

In a shocking revelation that has left music enthusiasts scratching their heads in disbelief, the staff of countless Vietnamese cafés have proven themselves blissfully unaware of the vast array of musical genius produced by Western artists. Instead, they have chosen to subject their patrons to a mind-numbing playlist consisting solely of 10 covers performed by what can only be described as talentless hacks.

Café-goers, seeking a harmonious escape from the world, are greeted by a cacophony of butchered renditions of beloved hits from across the globe. The café staff, with wide smiles and unbridled enthusiasm, believe that “pop” simply means popular and therefore assume that people must love it. After all, if a song has amassed over 500,000,000 views, it must be good, right?

Upon further investigation, it becomes painfully clear that the café staff’s musical education has been confined solely to the realms of YouTube views and superficial popularity charts. Ignorant of the rich tapestry of musical artistry woven by Western legends, they have become trapped in a bubble of mediocrity, perpetuating a musical purgatory for unsuspecting customers.

One can only wonder how these unwitting purveyors of musical torment manage to overlook the timeless melodies and poetic lyrics that have defined generations. Are they oblivious to the ethereal vocal prowess of Aretha Franklin, the soul-stirring ballads of Elton John, or the electrifying guitar riffs of Jimi Hendrix? It seems they remain tragically ignorant of the countless musical masterpieces that could grace their café, opting instead for amateurish interpretations by the local karaoke enthusiasts.

While one could argue that music taste is subjective, there are certain universal markers of quality that transcend personal preferences. Yet, the Vietnamese café staff seem content to drown their patrons in a sea … Read more

Headphones Seller in Vietnam Stunned as Sales Fall Flat

By Nguyen Ayi

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In a tale of market miscalculations and shattered dreams, a hopeful entrepreneur found himself dumbfounded by the lackluster sales of his headphone business in a country notorious for its penchant for speakerphone conversations. With an unwavering belief that he was catering to an essential need, the bewildered seller invested his life savings, only to be met with a deafening silence in the marketplace.

Thinh Nhat had an epiphany one day as he strolled through the bustling streets of Vietnam. He noticed an overwhelming number of people shamelessly conducting phone conversations on speaker mode, sharing their every word with the world like a one-person radio show. Groups of students were playing video games and videos as loud as possible with no concern of the people around them. Nhat, thinking he had struck gold, saw a golden opportunity in this cacophony of public conversations and decided to dive headfirst into the headphone business.

Armed with enthusiasm and an unwavering belief that he was filling a market void, Nhat poured his parent’s life savings into a range of top-notch headphones. He envisioned a future where everyone would ditch the speakerphone madness and embrace the joy of private conversations, leading to booming sales and a life of entrepreneurial success.

However, reality had other plans in store for Nhat. As he opened his sleek headphone store, excitement coursing through his veins, he eagerly awaited the hordes of customers clamoring for his wares. Yet, to his dismay, the store remained as quiet as a library during nap time.

Baffled by the lack of interest, Nhat scratched his head and wondered what had gone wrong. He had assumed that the incessant public speakerphone conversations were a sign of a … Read more