Satire

Satire by Karen Cohen

Ho Chi Minh City Police Department has recently devised a scheme to inspect the residences of all foreigners within the city. Their obsession? None other than the underwear foreigners are wearing. Why is the Ho Chi Minh City Police so interested in our undergarments?

During a recent inspection at an American expat’s residence, Officer Nguyen Tuan expressed his bewilderment, stating, “I’ve never seen a boxer brief style bathing suit before! They looked rather strange to me, like shorts that got caught in a pants factory malfunction.” Tuan continued, scratching his head in confusion, “And 100% cotton? Is that some secret code for international espionage?”

Another officer, Officer Tran, remarked that foreigner’s underwear often smelled like cabbage. “I mean, seriously, have they switched to cabbage-scented fabric softeners? It’s a scent that has forever engraved itself into the deepest recesses of my olfactory system.”

But it didn’t end at underwear. The inspection also ventured into the realm of foreign socks. “I have been a police officer for over two decades, and never before have I seen a pair of socks that weren’t green,” exclaimed one officer, still in a state of shock.

Unfortunately, Officer Linh expressed his disappointment, citing a lack of a “proper sample size” to investigate fully. Referring to the period when foreigners were purged from the city during the COVID lockdown, he lamented,

“It’s a shame we couldn’t lay our hands on more underwear to sniff during those difficult times. I hope that with the upcoming multi-month, multi-entry visa policies, we can finally indulge our olfactory senses to the fullest!”

While it is an undeniable fact that foreign direct investment plays a significant role in driving Ho Chi Minh City’s economy, it remains to be seen whether inspecting foreigners’ abodes for underwear choices is the … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

In the bustling streets of Hanoi, one cannot help but stumble upon a hidden gem: Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó, a courageous establishment that pushes the culinary boundaries by serving man’s best friend as a delicacy. Long recommended by local media, prepare for an extraordinary adventure as we embark on a positive journey through this groundbreaking restaurant’s menu. Let’s shed light on the taste sensations and unique cooking techniques that elevate Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó to unparalleled heights.

Ambiance:
Upon entering Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó, patrons are greeted by a captivating ambiance that blends traditional Vietnamese decor with a touch of canine-themed charm. From the moment you set foot inside, you’ll be embraced by the aroma of adventurous possibilities, setting the stage for an unconventional dining experience.

Menu Highlights:

Pup Pâté Surprise, a delectable appetizer that tantalizes the taste buds with its smooth and creamy texture. The combination of finely ground tender meat, a hint of spices, and a dash hairball creates a culinary symphony that even the most discerning connoisseurs would admire.

Canine Curry Conundrum, a dish that showcases the versatility of dog meat. The chef’s innovative twist on traditional Vietnamese curry combines tender chunks of dog marinated in flavorful spices, resulting in an explosion of flavors that will keep you coming back for more. Be warned, though, this dish isn’t for the faint-hearted, as it will challenge your preconceived notions about food in just the right way.

Barking Braised Delight, a true testament to the kitchen’s craftsmanship. Here, the meat is slow-cooked to perfection, allowing the flavors to seep into every fiber. The result is an astonishingly tender and succulent experience, with delectable hints of canine charisma lingering on the palate.

Paw-sitively Spicy Soup, … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

In a world where an astonishing 270 million people, or a whopping 81% of the population, have readily received the COVID vaccine, one peculiar individual named Stan stands tall as the eternal skeptic.

Bucking the trend of lifesaving success stories, Stan confidently asserts that the vaccine is unsafe due to his uncle’s unfortunate encounter with cardiovascular distress.

While countless lives have been shielded from the clutches of this deadly pandemic, Stan’s skepticism remains steadfast. After all, why should the unprecedented success shared by millions be enough to convince him otherwise? Stan has ignored a peculiar correlation between his uncle’s chain-smoking habit and his aversion to embracing the vaccine’s protective embrace. According to him, since his uncle Paul, who smoked four packs a day, suffered a heart attack, it only makes sense that a similar fate awaits those who trust the vaccine.

Unfazed by the countless scientific studies, test results, and the collective medical expertise of the global community, Stan unabashedly discards the whole vaccine saga as a mere charade. Certified medical professionals, international regulatory bodies, and a plethora of trusted scientific institutions may claim that the COVID vaccine is safe, but they stand no chance against Stan’s Uncle Paul’s tale of woe.

In a world striving to curb the devastating impact of COVID-19, opinionated individuals like Stan add a touch of comic relief to otherwise tense conversations. Ignoring the monumental task of coordinating distribution efforts to ensure billions are vaccinated, Stan champions the cigarette-heart attack alliance as an immutable truth. His reasoning might baffle most logical minds, but the allure of anecdotal evidence remains stronger than any peer-reviewed study.

While the vast majority walks hand-in-hand with science and progress, Stan struts down his own peculiar, self-proclaimed path of skepticism. Vaccination rates soar, and public health … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

Hanoi, Vietnam – In a groundbreaking achievement that has left America astounded, Vietnam has now surpassed 10,000 consecutive days without a mass shooting, an incredible feat. As America grapples with the rising menace of gun violence, Vietnam has inadvertently become an inspiration for solidarity, peace, and apparently, extraordinary character-building in its children.

This stunning record has given Vietnamese children a magical opportunity that youth elsewhere can only dream of – to grow up blissfully unaware of active shooter drills. Yes, Vietnam’s children are blissfully ignorant when it comes to hiding under desks, practicing lockdowns, or feeling like little soldiers amidst the increasing paranoia of potential violence.

“There is no greater joy than seeing our innocent children playing carefree in the streets, without the weight of active shooter drills looming over them,” said Nguyen Thi Anh, a parent beaming with pride.

Without the burden of regular lockdown rehearsals, Vietnamese children are experiencing a rather peculiar phenomenon – they’re actually building character. While their counterparts across the globe are reportedly traumatized and stressed due to the constant threat of school shootings, Vietnam’s children are excelling in genuinely beneficial activities.

Instead of cowering behind bulletproof desks, Vietnamese kids are busy nurturing their inherent resourcefulness, creativity, and imagination. These remarkable qualities are said to be flourishing without the need for tense emergency exercises that often leave kids more terrified than empowered.

“Call me old-fashioned, but I firmly believe that real character-building lies in stimulating children’s minds through art, sports, and intellectual growth, not hiding them away from imaginary shooting scenarios,” asserted Trinh Thi Mai, a school teacher, with an unabashed smirk.

Vietnam’s achievement challenges common assumptions about gun violence prevention methods. Perhaps the solution is not an endless cycle of lockdown drills and scare tactics, but rather an emphasis on fostering … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

Dirk Diggler, renowned connoisseur and regular at Saigon’s finest bar restaurant, recently found himself at the receiving end of a most distressing snub. Much to his dismay, Dirk arrived at his beloved establishment, only to be turned away like a lonely tramp in the night. The reason? A paltry party that was set to happen a few hours hence.

As Dirk stood in front of the ostentatious neon sign that bore the establishment’s name, his signature red jumpsuit seemed to pale in comparison to the weight of his unrequited loyalty. “I can’t believe this!” Dirk lamented, shaking his head in disbelief. “I’m a regular here, I practically built this place with my unwavering patronage.”

The irate customer’s claims of exclusivity couldn’t be dismissed. Dirk had, indeed, made an art out of gracing this establishment with his presence. Yet, to his utter dismay, his importance seemed to be overlooked for the sake of a gathering that could’ve easily been held in the local telephone booth.

Adding insult to injury, Dirk couldn’t help but notice the apathy emanating from the disinterested staff. While he stood outside, desperately pleading his case, the employees nonchalantly engrossed themselves in their phones as if the very fate of the establishment didn’t rest on Dirk’s satisfied taste buds.

“I come in here, year after year, and for what? A few selfies and hashtags?” Dirk exclaimed, gesticulating wildly. “If I wanted to compete with attention-seeking teenagers in a desperate bid for online validation, I’d have stayed at home and posted videos of my talents on YouTube.”

As Dirk surveyed the scene inside, his disappointment heightened. The usually bustling place, filled with the harmonious mingling of patrons, was inexplicably desolate. The tables sat vacant, as if mocking his claims of being ousted for this noncommittal soirée. … Read more

by Nguyen Ayi

Are traditional scientific facts holding back our society? Should we question everything, even basic laws of physics? According to a certain revolutionary English teacher in Saigon, the answer is a resounding YES. Meet Mr. Archibald Q. Unconventional, the proud maverick who is shattering the boundaries of critical thinking, one mask at a time.

In his quest to introduce alternative truths and challenge the very foundation of scientific principles, Mr. Unconventional has taken it upon himself to question the importance of masks in today’s society. While the world grapples with the COVID-19 pandemic, this intrepid educator believes that wearing masks to protect oneself and others is nothing more than an elaborate hoax.

Armed with his unmatched grasp of air-tight logic, Mr. Unconventional proceeds to share his mind-boggling theories with his unsuspecting students. He begins with a scientific argument so complex that the average mind would buckle under its weight: nanometers. With eyes glittering with passion, he mesmerizes his attentive audience with a spiel about how the minuscule size of the virus particles allows them to dance their way through all mask materials.

One child in the class, Timmy, determined to bring attention to his desperation, dares to raise his hand and challenge Mr. Unconventional’s notions. Timmy explains that he wears a mask to hide a particularly troublesome zit from the observant eyes of the girl sitting next to him. Mr. Unconventional nods sagely and replies, “Ah, Timmy, your desire for self-preservation clearly trumps the merits of scientific conformity. We shall highlight this as a shining example of individuality!”

But Mr. Unconventional does not stop there; he endeavors to instigate critical thinking in his students further. He encourages them to embrace a world where gravity can be selectively suspended, where 2+2 can equal 5, and where unicorns roam freely … Read more

by Ngyuen Ayi

In the bustling streets of Saigon, where chaos reigns supreme, an audacious daredevil has emerged to challenge societal norms and disregard common sense. Meet Mr. Nguyen Le, a man who single-handedly epitomizes the epitome of recklessness and cavalier behavior on the roads of Vietnam’s capital. Armed with the audacity of a superhero and the incompetence of a toddler, Mr. Le fearlessly embarks on his epic daily commute, leaving spectators in awe and terror alike.

For starters, Mr. Le boldly defies the universally accepted notion that helmets save lives. Wrongly assuming that his head is made of sterner stuff than mere bones, he traverses the busy streets with his toddler perched precariously on his lap, their precious skulls exposed to the perils of Saigon’s unforgiving roads. Truly, his unwavering defiance of helmet laws demonstrates his unwavering commitment to freedom and absolute lunacy.

But that’s not all, folks! As if flaunting his helmetless gallantry wasn’t enough, Mr. Le takes multitasking to unprecedented heights. Picture this: a motorbike hurtling down the road at breakneck speed as our intrepid adventurer navigates the treacherous sea of traffic, deftly maneuvering to avoid fellow motorists. While you might assume his focus should be solely on the road, Mr. Le, in an awe-inspiring display of modern-day sorcery, manages to expertly text his friends simultaneously. Truly, his underdeveloped sense of responsibility is a marvel to behold.

Now, where would our fearless hero be without his trusty cigarette? Ever the epitome of coolness, Mr. Le calmly inhales toxic chemicals, ensuring that carcinogens and carbon monoxide can likewise endanger his young companion. Surely, witnessing this unholy alliance of smoke and child endangerment is enough to bring tears to even the hardiest of hearts.

In a stroke of genius and unparalleled innovation, Mr. Le has found a way to … Read more