Satire

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In a phenomenon that has left many astounded and a little concerned, the streets of Vietnam are flooded with self-proclaimed experts who have attained all their knowledge through podcasts hosted by none other than the infamous Jordan Peterson, Sam Harris, Douglas Murray and their ilk. These newfound English speakers, commonly known as the “Podcastholes,” have taken over the nation, armed with their proficiency in a language and a newfound sense of superiority.

Move over, traditional language learning methods. Say hello to “Asshole-English,” Vietnam’s latest craze, where being a pompous know-it-all is the ultimate goal. To become an expert in any subject and irritate those around you, simply give Jordan Peterson a listen, take his words as gospel, and voila – you’re now an English-speaking Einstein in the eyes of the locals!

It all started innocently enough. Vietnam, like many developing nations, has been on a quest to improve its English language proficiency. But alongside progress came a peculiar obsession with persona-driven podcasts and YouTube channels. The self-proclaimed experts who emerged from this linguistic evolution soon became a source of both amusement and irritation.

What has become crystal clear is that Vietnamese English speakers, fueled by their newfound linguistic skills, have transformed themselves into entitled and insufferable beings. Armed with half-digested intellectual jargon and a limited understanding of complex subjects, the Podcastholes have descended upon society, armed with the unwavering belief that their opinions are gold.

Don’t be surprised if you overhear a group of Vietnamese Podcastholes or Expats passionately debating a topic they barely grasp in broken English. From politics to psychology, these linguistic virtuosos traverse the landscape of expertise with ease, often citing Peterson as the ultimate authority on life’s mysteries.

Meanwhile, locals have started experiencing a rude awakening when encountering the Podcasthole … Read more

One experienced English teacher has revealed his secret desire to escape the confines of the classroom and instead seek out job listings that include an abundance of administrative nonsense and dubious perks. Mr. Grumbleton, a seasoned educator who wishes to remain anonymous for obvious reasons. According to him, the last thing he wants to do is be in the classroom teaching, and he actively looks for a place that offers mind-numbing bureaucracy and lackluster professional growth opportunities.

“I’m tired of inspiring young minds and making a difference. What I really crave is an environment that’s filled with as much administrative bullshit as possible,” Mr. Grumbleton confessed with a forlorn expression. “Why settle for engaging lessons and enthusiastic students when I can have endless paperwork and tedious meetings? It’s the dream.”

For Mr. Grumbleton, the ideal job listing includes phrases such as “professional development,” “workshops,” and “training.” These triggers send waves of excitement throughout his body as he envisions countless hours spent in mind-numbing workshops that contribute very little to his actual teaching abilities. “I love it when they dangle the promise of growth and learning, only to provide me with PowerPoint presentations that would make anyone question their career choices,” he chuckled.

To add to the allure, Mr. Grumbleton finds it particularly appealing if the job requires him to build demo lessons from scratch. “Because let’s be honest, what I’d really like to do instead of teaching is spend countless nights brainstorming and meticulously crafting perfect lessons, ensuring that my creativity is exhausted even before I step into the classroom,” he explained with a hint of sarcasm.

Another teacher, who we will refer to as Mrs. Gung-Ho, shares Mr. Grumbleton’s unconventional cravings. “Oh, I absolutely love it when there are excessive classroom observations,” she chimed in. “Nothing gets my adrenaline … Read more

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – An expat living in Ho Chi Minh City has managed to amaze onlookers by bumming a cigarette off a low-salaried Vietnamese worker. The expat, known only as Patrick, not only shamelessly took the worker’s last cigarette but then had the nerve to ask for his lighter as well.

As fate would have it, Patrick happened to stroll into a local watering hole blissfully unaware that his actions were about to unravel an astonishing display of ignorance and cultural arrogance. While blissfully drinking away on his drink, he decided to enlighten the server about a dubious piece of ‘culture.’

The underpaid Vietnamese worker, toiling away for less than a dollar an hour, stood there wide-eyed, silently weighing the pros and cons of handing over his last precious puff of relaxation. Caught in a moral dilemma, the server reluctantly relinquished his last cigarette, hoping against hope that good karma would eventually come his way. “Is this guy for real? Bumming a cigarette is bad enough, but then demanding the last one? It’s like he’s making sport out of someone’s struggle.”

Clearly, Patrick didn’t grasp the irony of his actions, nor did he comprehend the vast discrepancy between the lifestyles of expats like himself and the hardworking Vietnamese locals. While he comfortably spent his money on discounted drinks during happy hour, the server was spending his seventh consecutive day earning mere pennies.

Patrick’s unwitting ignorance and misplaced confidence were not only an affront to Vietnamese culture but a slap in the face to all workers who tirelessly strive for a better life. Perhaps little does he know, karma might just have the last laugh.

As the sun set over Ho Chi Minh City, Patrick contentedly puffed on his ill-gotten cigarette, blissfully unaware of the cultural lesson he … Read more

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In an arrogant display of self-centeredness, Jake Whinington, a self-proclaimed connoisseur of first-world problems and expat extraordinaire, has taken it upon himself to alert the world to his monumental inconveniences faced in the bustling metropolis. Whinington, who has been living in the city for a mere three months, claims his banal struggles are worthy of immediate attention from the masses.

Unsurprisingly, the devil is in the details when it comes to Whinington’s daily endeavors. His tale of woes, which includes exhausting venting sessions with fellow expats at local overpriced coffee shops, encompasses the trivial spectrum from hot weather and spicy street food to minor language barriers and inconvenient traffic jams. He believes that it is now the sacred duty of the local Vietnamese population to bend over backward to cater to his every whim and caterwaul.

“Living in Vietnam is such a nightmare,” exclaims Whinington. “I mean, can you even imagine walking down the street and not perspiring like a normal person? It’s an outrage! And don’t even get me started on the local cuisine! How dare they serve food with all this salt and sugar?”

Witnesses report that Whinington, who has a permanent scowl etched on his face, storms through crowded markets, bemoaning the locals’ inability to master the English language. In a desperate bid for attention, he even demands that street vendors provide bilingual menus and lectures innocent passersby on the virtues of the Queen’s English.

“I find it immensely frustrating that these people don’t understand me,” Whinington grumbles. “I mean, how hard is it to learn English in your spare time?”

While Whinington revels in his self-appointed role of exalted complainant, it is the traffic situation that truly sends him into a tailspin. Unfathomably, he seems unable to comprehend that a … Read more