Satire

Vietnamese Want English Refund

Vietnamese people across the country have come to the astonishing realization that they no longer need to learn English. After decades of prioritizing English language education as a means of staying competitive on the global stage, the nation has collectively decided to abandon this futile pursuit. The mesmerizing sound of English language learning centers closing their doors can be heard echoing through the streets.

Nguyen Thuy exclaimed, “I spent years trying to learn this language, investing my hard-earned money, and sacrificing countless hours memorizing vocabulary. But all I have to show for it is a slightly better ability to order a Big Mac at McDonald’s!”

It seems that English language education has become the Black Friday of educational investments. As the Vietnamese people fill the streets, desperately searching for a refund, others are lining up to seize this golden opportunity to replace English with more practical skills. Perhaps Vietnamese language centers will soon stock their shelves with “Charm Your Way Through Life” classes or “How to Influence Your Boss Using Comedic Facial Expressions” workshops.

In a country once obsessed with English proficiency, locals have now discovered the liberation that comes with abandoning this unnecessary endeavor. They have realized that focusing on their native language is far more valuable than being able to communicate with the rest of the world.

Vietnamese musicians have taken to rhyming exclusively in Vietnamese, which has struck a chord with the nation’s youth. Gone are the days when catchy English choruses dominated the music scene, as even the trending international tunes are now translated into Vietnamese to cater to the local audience. International pop stars have even begun demanding their songs be sung exclusively in Vietnamese, recognizing the growing wave of Vietnamese pride.

Tourism has also flourished thanks to this newfound … Read more

In a city known for its bustling streets and lively atmosphere, Saigon experienced a moment of sheer chaos today when a local barista accidentally bumped into a WiFi router, resulting in an unprecedented half minute of silence. This shocking incident occurred at a popular trendy café, leaving patrons stunned and on the brink of conversation.

Earwitnesses described the scene as surreal, with coffee cups clattering to the floor and incredulous gasps echoing through the establishment. The sudden silence threatened to spark actual human interaction, as people nervously looked around, unsure of how to cope without the comforting hum of background noise. It was a heart-stopping moment indeed.

Mai Linh, a regular customer at the café, managed to capture the intensity of the situation. “I couldn’t believe it!” she exclaimed, shaking her head. “It was like a scene from a horror movie. People were looking at each other with wild, panicked eyes, but no words escaped their lips.”

Fortunately, not all hope was lost, as the majority of customers skillfully survived the calamity with their 4G cell phone connections still intact. With a collective sigh of relief, they reassuringly stared at their phones, grateful for the digital companionship and social validation they provided.

Just as an awkward conversation was on the brink of breaking out between two strangers, however, a middle-aged man heroically stepped up to save the day. He began blasting Skibidi Toilet Episodes – a playlist infamous for its ability to disrupt uncomfortable situations.

The café’s atmosphere quickly transformed, and patrons once again returned to their comfort zones of online browsing, selfies, and meme-sharing. The episode of silence was but a distant memory, banished by Skibidi Toilet Episodes, the ultimate weapon in maintaining the sacred solitude of individual social media bubbles.

The café’s management was quick to address the … Read more

Satire by Karen Cohen

Ho Chi Minh City Police Department has recently devised a scheme to inspect the residences of all foreigners within the city. Their obsession? None other than the underwear foreigners are wearing. Why is the Ho Chi Minh City Police so interested in our undergarments?

During a recent inspection at an American expat’s residence, Officer Nguyen Tuan expressed his bewilderment, stating, “I’ve never seen a boxer brief style bathing suit before! They looked rather strange to me, like shorts that got caught in a pants factory malfunction.” Tuan continued, scratching his head in confusion, “And 100% cotton? Is that some secret code for international espionage?”

Another officer, Officer Tran, remarked that foreigner’s underwear often smelled like cabbage. “I mean, seriously, have they switched to cabbage-scented fabric softeners? It’s a scent that has forever engraved itself into the deepest recesses of my olfactory system.”

But it didn’t end at underwear. The inspection also ventured into the realm of foreign socks. “I have been a police officer for over two decades, and never before have I seen a pair of socks that weren’t green,” exclaimed one officer, still in a state of shock.

Unfortunately, Officer Linh expressed his disappointment, citing a lack of a “proper sample size” to investigate fully. Referring to the period when foreigners were purged from the city during the COVID lockdown, he lamented,

“It’s a shame we couldn’t lay our hands on more underwear to sniff during those difficult times. I hope that with the upcoming multi-month, multi-entry visa policies, we can finally indulge our olfactory senses to the fullest!”

While it is an undeniable fact that foreign direct investment plays a significant role in driving Ho Chi Minh City’s economy, it remains to be seen whether inspecting foreigners’ abodes for underwear choices is the … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

In the bustling streets of Hanoi, one cannot help but stumble upon a hidden gem: Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó, a courageous establishment that pushes the culinary boundaries by serving man’s best friend as a delicacy. Long recommended by local media, prepare for an extraordinary adventure as we embark on a positive journey through this groundbreaking restaurant’s menu. Let’s shed light on the taste sensations and unique cooking techniques that elevate Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó to unparalleled heights.

Ambiance:
Upon entering Tỵ Béo, Thịt Chó Lẩu Chó, patrons are greeted by a captivating ambiance that blends traditional Vietnamese decor with a touch of canine-themed charm. From the moment you set foot inside, you’ll be embraced by the aroma of adventurous possibilities, setting the stage for an unconventional dining experience.

Menu Highlights:

Pup Pâté Surprise, a delectable appetizer that tantalizes the taste buds with its smooth and creamy texture. The combination of finely ground tender meat, a hint of spices, and a dash of irony creates a culinary symphony that even the most discerning connoisseurs would admire.

Canine Curry Conundrum, a dish that showcases the versatility of dog meat. The chef’s innovative twist on traditional Vietnamese curry combines tender chunks of dog marinated in flavorful spices, resulting in an explosion of flavors that will keep you coming back for more. Be warned, though, this dish isn’t for the faint-hearted, as it will challenge your preconceived notions about food in just the right way.

Barking Braised Delight, a true testament to the kitchen’s craftsmanship. Here, the meat is slow-cooked to perfection, allowing the flavors to seep into every fiber. The result is an astonishingly tender and succulent experience, with delectable hints of canine charisma lingering on the palate.

Paw-sitively Spicy Soup… Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

In a world where an astonishing 270 million people, or a whopping 81% of the population, have readily received the COVID vaccine, one peculiar individual named Stan stands tall as the eternal skeptic.

Bucking the trend of lifesaving success stories, Stan confidently asserts that the vaccine is unsafe due to his uncle’s unfortunate encounter with cardiovascular distress.

While countless lives have been shielded from the clutches of this deadly pandemic, Stan’s skepticism remains steadfast. After all, why should the unprecedented success shared by millions be enough to convince him otherwise? Stan has ignored a peculiar correlation between his uncle’s chain-smoking habit and his aversion to embracing the vaccine’s protective embrace. According to him, since his uncle Paul, who smoked four packs a day, suffered a heart attack, it only makes sense that a similar fate awaits those who trust the vaccine.

Unfazed by the countless scientific studies, test results, and the collective medical expertise of the global community, Stan unabashedly discards the whole vaccine saga as a mere charade. Certified medical professionals, international regulatory bodies, and a plethora of trusted scientific institutions may claim that the COVID vaccine is safe, but they stand no chance against Stan’s Uncle Paul’s tale of woe.

In a world striving to curb the devastating impact of COVID-19, opinionated individuals like Stan add a touch of comic relief to otherwise tense conversations. Ignoring the monumental task of coordinating distribution efforts to ensure billions are vaccinated, Stan champions the cigarette-heart attack alliance as an immutable truth. His reasoning might baffle most logical minds, but the allure of anecdotal evidence remains stronger than any peer-reviewed study.

While the vast majority walks hand-in-hand with science and progress, Stan struts down his own peculiar, self-proclaimed path of skepticism. Vaccination rates soar, and public health … Read more

By Nguyen Ayi

Hanoi, Vietnam – In a groundbreaking achievement that has left America astounded, Vietnam has now surpassed 10,000 consecutive days without a mass shooting, an incredible feat. As America grapples with the rising menace of gun violence, Vietnam has inadvertently become an inspiration for solidarity, peace, and apparently, extraordinary character-building in its children.

This stunning record has given Vietnamese children a magical opportunity that youth elsewhere can only dream of – to grow up blissfully unaware of active shooter drills. Yes, Vietnam’s children are blissfully ignorant when it comes to hiding under desks, practicing lockdowns, or feeling like little soldiers amidst the increasing paranoia of potential violence.

“There is no greater joy than seeing our innocent children playing carefree in the streets, without the weight of active shooter drills looming over them,” said Nguyen Thi Anh, a parent beaming with pride.

Without the burden of regular lockdown rehearsals, Vietnamese children are experiencing a rather peculiar phenomenon – they’re actually building character. While their counterparts across the globe are reportedly traumatized and stressed due to the constant threat of school shootings, Vietnam’s children are excelling in genuinely beneficial activities.

Instead of cowering behind bulletproof desks, Vietnamese kids are busy nurturing their inherent resourcefulness, creativity, and imagination. These remarkable qualities are said to be flourishing without the need for tense emergency exercises that often leave kids more terrified than empowered.

“Call me old-fashioned, but I firmly believe that real character-building lies in stimulating children’s minds through art, sports, and intellectual growth, not hiding them away from imaginary shooting scenarios,” asserted Trinh Thi Mai, a school teacher, with an unabashed smirk.

Vietnam’s achievement challenges common assumptions about gun violence prevention methods. Perhaps the solution is not an endless cycle of lockdown drills and scare tactics, but rather an emphasis on fostering … Read more