News

Maps Guides Phuc My on the Perfect Grab Car Journey

Hanoi, Vietnam—Google Maps has finally pinpointed the optimal route for Phuc My’s Grab Car ride through the bustling streets of Vietnam’s capital. Eyewitness reports confirm that for the first time ever, Google’s navigation app led My on the most efficient path imaginable, devoid of detours, stray dogs, and improvisational pop-up beverage stands.

At precisely 3:15 PM on a Tuesday, Phuc My tapped his phone screen and summoned a Grab Car, optimism glimmering in his eyes. As fate would have it, the ride would not only be a mundane affair; it would go down in history as a GPS triumph. “I thought it was a joke,” Phuc recounted, still in shock. “I mean, we didn’t stop for coconut water, and there were no incidents involving a wayward old lady selling sausages or a leisurely family of ducks waddling across the road!”

The journey, charted by Google Maps, took Phuc straight from his office in Cau Giay to Hoan Kiem Lake—a route that ordinarily resembles a labyrinth constructed by a toddler on a caffeine high. Instead of enduring the usual chaotic zigzags of motorbikes, vendor stalls, and cinematic near-scrapes with oblivious pedestrians, Phuc found himself cruising down a straight, uninterrupted path—made all the more surreal by the scenic views of Hanoi’s shimmering skyline.

“Our algorithm finally reflects the real world,” said a Google spokesperson, attempting to downplay the groundbreaking achievement. “We ran thousands of simulations with untested mapping data from the ‘Black Mirror’ universe and concluded it was indeed possible to navigate efficiently when the sun reaches its zenith and all stray animals have taken their obligatory afternoon naps.”

The Grab driver, Dong “No Detours” Nguyen, revealed his own surprise at the efficiency. “I’ve been driving for years, and I always assumed … Read more

by Joe Fotalattee

In a heartwarming display of camaraderie, Vietnam’s billionaires have recently taken to state-owned media to share the emotional toll of their immense wealth, particularly in the realm of labor exploitation via private investment schools. “It’s not as easy being a tycoon as you might think,” sighed Tran Van Phú, a prominent billionaire and owner of a conglomerate of private schools, as he deftly twirled a golden pen inscribed with the phrase “Hard Work Pays Off” inlaid with diamonds.

“It’s exhausting being this successful. While I’m enjoying my third mansion in LA, I often find myself reflecting on the burden of our success.”

Phú, alongside fellow magnates, addressed the nation about their struggles to balance profit margins with the emotional turmoil of exploiting labor. “Our schools offer ‘educational opportunities’ for underprivileged children, but have you heard about the emotional stress that comes from not providing teachers the basics like paid vacation? It haunts me. I can’t even find time to lobby for another tax break,” he lamented.

An even heavier weight: family members borrowing minuscule sums from them. “I have a niece who owes me 500,000 VND,” he continued, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “How could she do this to me?”

Nguyen Thi Mi, another billionaire who revolutionized fast fashion through sweatshop labor, chimed in. “Just last week, my cousin asked me for a small loan of 1 million VND for a school trip. I mean, can you imagine? It’s shameful! Now I have to compute interest rates based on a debt that could barely buy a pair of silk socks. How do you navigate those kinds of family dynamics while also trying to maintain a pristine real estate portfolio handed down from my grandparents?”

Luxury in a Lonely World

As they continued their confessions, it became apparent … Read more

By Ngyuen Ayi

A new generation is taking steps towards shorter lifespans and lifelong health problems

The prevalence of addiction among Vietnamese youth is a growing concern in society, particularly when it comes to vaping and marijuana use. The harmful effects of these substances can have detrimental impacts on the overall health and well-being of young individuals.

1: Vaping and marijuana use pose risks to the youth.

As with any addictive substance, quitting vaping and marijuana is a common desire among young individuals. It is important to note that these habits negatively impact various aspects of their health, including their heart. In fact, a significant number of heart disease-related deaths in Vietnam can be attributed to smoking tobacco and exposure to secondhand smoke.

When attempting to transition away from traditional cigarettes or marijuana use, it is not uncommon for Vietnamese youth to turn to vaping or electronic cigarettes as potential alternatives. However, it is essential to consider whether these options are indeed healthier and if they can aid in completely quitting smoking or marijuana.

2: Vaping and marijuana use can have adverse effects on heart and lung health.

Both vaping and marijuana contain harmful substances that can harm the heart and lungs. While there may be fewer toxic substances in vaping compared to smoking traditional cigarettes, the surge in lung injuries and deaths associated with vaping is a cause for concern. In Vietnam, there have been cases of severe lung injuries and deaths related to the use of vaping devices, especially those that have been modified or contain THC, a component of marijuana.

Research conducted by universities has uncovered various chemical ingredients in vape products, some of which are potentially harmful. Furthermore, the long-term impacts of vaping on physical health, especially heart and lung health, remain uncertain.

3: Vaping and … Read more