Expat Voices

This article is satire and does not reflect reality, much like crypto enthusiasts and the pro-crypto Vietnamese press.

By Nguyen Ayi

In a move that has shocked the crypto community, Vietnam has announced that it will be regulating cryptocurrency to protect its most vulnerable citizens from scams and bad investments. This decision comes as no surprise to those who have been following China’s recent crackdowns on other sectors such as education and big tech.

Wise officials in charge argue that crypto is just data and has no intrinsic value, making it the perfect breeding ground for scams and bad investments.

“We’re just trying to protect our citizens from themselves,” says a government spokesperson. “We’ve seen too many people lose their life savings on these so-called ‘investments,’ and we can’t allow that to continue.”

One disgruntled expat, who asked to remain anonymous, expressed frustration with the new regulations. “I couldn’t even pay for my $1.50 Banh Mi with my Doouchecoin,” he exclaimed. “I don’t carry cash because my entire life savings is in this coin that my brother-in-law gave me a hot tip on. Now what am I supposed to do?”

Many are praising the government’s efficiency in finally regulating crypto, likening it to China’s swift action in recent years. “We’re just doing our job,” says the spokesperson. “We’re here to protect our citizens, and we take that responsibility very seriously.”

It remains to be seen how these new regulations will affect the crypto market in Vietnam, but one thing is certain – the government will not stand idly by while its citizens are taken advantage of.

By Phil McCracken And Nguyen Ayi

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – A cafe owner of in Vietnam took matters into his own breeze-inducing hands, delivering a refreshing blow to a self-proclaimed “douchebag” backpacker. As the fan’s gusts swerved away from the loyal regulars and landed squarely on the unsuspecting traveler, the collective reaction of the café-goers can only be described as sheer bewilderment.

The scene unfolded at a humble café nestled in the heart of this vibrant city. Regular customers, sipping their steaming cups of Vietnamese coffee, were taken aback as the café’s manager made a daring move. With a twinkle in his eye and a sly smile, he skillfully re-positioned the cooling fan, redirecting its airflow towards an individual who could easily be mistaken for the poster child of obnoxiousness.

Enter our protagonist, a backpacker who proudly boasted about his “worldly exploits” and embarked on a quest to discover “authenticity” while wearing an assortment of cultural trinkets. Clad in a tribal-patterned sarong, a fedora that screamed “cultural appropriation,” and an assortment of questionable tattoos, he sat at the café, regaling anyone within earshot with tales of his adventurous exploits.

Unbeknownst to the backpacker, fate had decided to intervene. As the manager’s hand gracefully guided the fan’s rotation, a gust of cooling air was unleashed upon the unsuspecting traveler. The fan’s strategic maneuver left the locals in stitches, marveling at the sheer brilliance of the universe’s sense of justice.

The backpacker, initially oblivious to the shift in atmospheric currents, reveled in the newfound attention, believing it to be a reflection of his undeniable magnetism. Little did he know that he had become the unwitting recipient of a cosmic prank, courtesy of a rebellious cooling device.

Meanwhile, the café’s regulars exchanged puzzled glances, their eyes mirroring a collective question mark. … Read more

By Ngyuen Ayi

In a shocking turn of events, an expat living in Vietnam has discovered that going to the gym brings more joy and fulfillment than going to the local bar to complain about everything he hates about the country.

According to sources close to the expat, who wishes to remain anonymous, he had been a regular at the local watering hole for months, bemoaning everything from the traffic to the food to the weather.

But one day, after a particularly frustrating rant about the lack of air conditioning in his apartment, a fellow expat suggested he try going to the gym instead of drowning his sorrows in beer.

At first, the expat was skeptical. After all, how could lifting weights and running on a treadmill compare to the joy of complaining about everything that’s wrong with Vietnam?

But after just a few weeks of hitting the gym regularly, the expat was hooked. He found that the endorphin rush from a good workout was far more satisfying than the temporary relief he got from complaining about his problems.

Not only that, but he also found that going to the gym gave him a sense of purpose and accomplishment that he had been missing in his life. Instead of wallowing in negativity, he was actively working towards bettering himself and his health.

The expat’s friends were shocked by the transformation they saw in him. No longer was he the grumpy, cynical guy who complained about everything. Instead, he was upbeat, positive, and full of energy.

In fact, the expat himself admitted that he couldn’t believe he had wasted so much time and energy on complaining when he could have been working on improving himself and his life.

So, to all the expats out there who find themselves drowning their sorrows … Read more

By Joe Fotalatee

Meet Leslie, a washed-up expat journalist who once covered the daily mass shooting problem in America. But since moving to Vietnam, Leslie has found a new passion – writing about the country’s plastic pollution problem.

“I mean, sure, America has a mass shooting problem, but have you seen the amount of plastic in Vietnam?” Leslie exclaimed in a recent interview. “It’s everywhere! And someone has to bring attention to it.”

While some may argue that there are more pressing issues in Vietnam, such as poverty and corruption, she remains steadfast in her mission to bring awareness to the plastic problem.

“Sure, poverty and corruption are important issues, but have you seen the turtles? They’re eating plastic! We need to do something about it,” Leslie said, with a look of determination in her eye.

Despite the fact that her articles receive little attention and have had no impact on the plastic problem in Vietnam, she remains optimistic.

“I may not be making a difference now, but I know that someday people will look back on my articles and say, ‘Wow, Leslie really cared about the environment,'” she said.

In the meantime, Leslie continues to write about the plastic problem, day in and day out, ignoring the other issues plaguing the country she now calls home but can’t get a visa in.

“I mean, it’s not like there are mass shootings here, right?” Leslie said with a laugh. “But seriously, have you seen the plastic bags in the trees?”

The Rise Of Plastic Pets

By Nguyen Ayi

Move over Fido, there’s a new pet in town. And it’s not a furry friend, but a plastic cup in a bag.

Yes, you heard it right. Foreigners are taking their beloved cups of coffee for a walk around the neighborhood, thanks to the convenience of plastic cups and carrying bags. The trend has caught on like wildfire, with plastic cups replacing man’s best friend.

But why, you may ask? Well, for starters, carrying a cup of coffee in your hands is an antiquated model. Plus, it’s just too much work. Who has time to hold a cup and walk at the same time? That’s where the plastic carrying bag comes in. Slip the cup in, and voila! You’re hands-free.

And if you think that’s all, wait till you hear about the accessories. Some plastic pet owners even ask for an extra straw to make the experience more enjoyable. Plastic pets are low maintenance and require no feeding or grooming. Just a quick rinse and they’re ready for the next walk.

But it’s not just about convenience. Plastic pets offer a unique perspective on the world. Take pollution, for example. Plastic pets are keen observers of the environment and are quick to point out the plastic pollution they see everywhere. They’re like little environmentalists, raising awareness about the impact of plastic on our planet. In order to raise more awareness of beach and ocean pollution, many people throw their cups and waste directly into the waterways.

Sure, some may argue that plastic pets lack the emotional connection that comes with a real pet. But who needs that when you have a cup of coffee that never talks back? Plus, with plastic pets, you don’t have to worry about shedding, barking, or cleaning … Read more