Expat Voices

By Joe Fotalatee

Meet Leslie, a washed-up expat journalist who once covered the daily mass shooting problem in America. But since moving to Vietnam, Leslie has found a new passion – writing about the country’s plastic pollution problem.

“I mean, sure, America has a mass shooting problem, but have you seen the amount of plastic in Vietnam?” Leslie exclaimed in a recent interview. “It’s everywhere! And someone has to bring attention to it.”

While some may argue that there are more pressing issues in Vietnam, such as poverty and corruption, she remains steadfast in her mission to bring awareness to the plastic problem.

“Sure, poverty and corruption are important issues, but have you seen the turtles? They’re eating plastic! We need to do something about it,” Leslie said, with a look of determination in her eye.

Despite the fact that her articles receive little attention and have had no impact on the plastic problem in Vietnam, she remains optimistic.

“I may not be making a difference now, but I know that someday people will look back on my articles and say, ‘Wow, Leslie really cared about the environment,'” she said.

In the meantime, Leslie continues to write about the plastic problem, day in and day out, ignoring the other issues plaguing the country she now calls home but can’t get a visa in.

“I mean, it’s not like there are mass shootings here, right?” Leslie said with a laugh. “But seriously, have you seen the plastic bags in the trees?”

The Rise Of Plastic Pets

By Nguyen Ayi

Move over Fido, there’s a new pet in town. And it’s not a furry friend, but a plastic cup in a bag.

Yes, you heard it right. Foreigners are taking their beloved cups of coffee for a walk around the neighborhood, thanks to the convenience of plastic cups and carrying bags. The trend has caught on like wildfire, with plastic cups replacing man’s best friend.

But why, you may ask? Well, for starters, carrying a cup of coffee in your hands is an antiquated model. Plus, it’s just too much work. Who has time to hold a cup and walk at the same time? That’s where the plastic carrying bag comes in. Slip the cup in, and voila! You’re hands-free.

And if you think that’s all, wait till you hear about the accessories. Some plastic pet owners even ask for an extra straw to make the experience more enjoyable. Plastic pets are low maintenance and require no feeding or grooming. Just a quick rinse and they’re ready for the next walk.

But it’s not just about convenience. Plastic pets offer a unique perspective on the world. Take pollution, for example. Plastic pets are keen observers of the environment and are quick to point out the plastic pollution they see everywhere. They’re like little environmentalists, raising awareness about the impact of plastic on our planet. In order to raise more awareness of beach and ocean pollution, many people throw their cups and waste directly into the waterways.

Sure, some may argue that plastic pets lack the emotional connection that comes with a real pet. But who needs that when you have a cup of coffee that never talks back? Plus, with plastic pets, you don’t have to worry about shedding, barking, or cleaning … Read more

Satire by Joe Fotalattee

Cafe Box, a modern yet sleek cafe, opened today in the Bin Chanh Ward of District 1, with an industrial theme. Owner Nguyen Chanh describes the move as groundbreaking, “We have never seen so little effort put into design and aesthetics before, as we did nothing other than gutting the building of all original soul.”

Cafe Box is not the first industrial-themed cafe in Saigon and it won’t be the last. Notable homogenized factory-inspired cafes include The Coffee House and Be Mind.

“Sure they were the first, but now there’s a multitude of options of people willing to be surrounded with concrete and glass as if they were at a human zoo or Federal minimum security prison,” said customer Tammy Pon. Pon now patronizes both the Coffee House and Cafe Box.

The best part according to Pon, is that no one even looks or talks to one another, and they all have their heads in their phones. “I think when you combine the modern look with some earbuds it is synergistic, it says “Don’t talk to me, I have no taste and no social skills.” However, many customers still choose to play their music and mean TikTok videos as loud as possible in an attempt to stand out from the zombies entering their own cafe coffins.

Chanh explained the holistic approach to his brand, “We wanted something that captured the essence of our brand. We plan on putting as much effort into the service and the product. We didn’t even buy a can of paint for this place and not a single plant. Pointing to a mold stain on the wall, “That’s the original concrete exposed there!”

Now that the local community has moved to live with the pandemic, Chanh is amazed at his continued success. … Read more