Expat Voices

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Expat Regrets French Influence Resulting In Restaurant Reservations

Posted byNguyen Ayi

HO CHI MINH CITY—Pierre Dupue, a French expatriate, revels in the French influences that have sprinkled their essence across Vietnam. The architecture of Ho Chi Minh City captivates him; every colonial building stands as poetic evidence of French ingenuity and artistic ambition. Eating snails (escargots) is a genuine pleasure he enjoys, pairing them with a glass of wine secured under his beret. The Thai-style toilet bidet is now his closest ally in hygiene, while French bread banh mi fills his belly with worthy sustenance.

Yet, on a fateful sunny day, Pierre’s bravado met its match as he approached the doors of “Oc Gay” he was met with a bold proclamation: “Monsieur, désolé, we are fully booked!”

Confused, Pierre squinted through the vast, unoccupied dining area with only a lone table for two. “Fully booked? But it’s so empty!” he exclaimed, incredulous and slightly agitated. The staff, clad in crisp aprons, maintained a stoic demeanor reminiscent of a Parisian museum guard, firmly repeating their unyielding policy: no reservation, no entry, regardless of the physical capacity of the room.

“I could fit a whole family of five at that table!” Pierre argued, his bemusement turning to utter frustration. After all, he had entered this space with the swagger of someone accustomed to the laid-back charm of French dining etiquette, where spontaneity is key and reservations are for those who lack the joie de vivre.

As he exited, Pierre mulled over the paradox of French restaurants abroad that seem to embrace rigidity over the relaxed charm that characterizes much of French life. “Here I am, defending the great French legacy! But why must I navigate these bureaucratic hoops?” he lamented.

Despite his outrage, Pierre remains hopeful for a culinary revolution within Ho Chi Minh City. Perhaps one day, the French attribute will reclaim … Read more

Expat VoicesOpinion
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Seasons of Sorrow In Hospitality

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Opinion by Wally Tuan

Imitation does not equal quality in Vietnam’s hospitality industry

Cafes in town that have elevated emotional distress into an art form. Its playlist is the poor soul’s calendar: every song insists the seasons are changing — always spring-to-summer, autumn-to-winter, the whole metaphorical bingo. You cannot sit here in peace. The city’s noise palette has a new worst instrument: a steady stream of syrupy lines about falling leaves, thawing hearts, and smiling like summer, looped until your eardrums beg for asylum.

But what’s even more excruciating is the timing. Just as you settle into your coffee, getting comfortable and ready to relax, the cafe decides to play that one song – you know, “Marry Me” – that one that highlights a man’s tragic loss of both testicles. The repetition is intolerable, and you can’t help but wonder if the cafe’s staff are secretly sadists, taking pleasure in the misery they inflict on their customers.

When cruelty becomes too intimate, when the cafe’s emotional weather report reaches catastrophic levels, you can always flee to your favorite craft-beer sanctuary for refuge. Ha. There is a predictable second-line attack: the craft beer place obligingly switches its own soundtrack to blaring V-Pop at a decibel that makes your neighbor’s barking dog — ten kilometers away, probably retired now — perk up in sympathetic pain. The craft-beer crowd, once a bastion of low-key clinking glasses and subdued talk, transforms into an amphitheater of manufactured joy. Volume increases; melodic simplicity decreases your ability to taste hops. It is globalization’s triumph: every refuge converts into an auditorium for sound-based punishment.

Originality is not a core value here. No, the city prefers the comforting lie that imitation equals quality. Good things are not copied; instead, another “French Taco” opens on the next corner. It arrives … Read more

Expat VoicesOpinion
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No Kings Day: Media Attention On October 18th

Posted byNguyen Ayi

visit nokings.org

October 18th, 2025 is officially dubbed No Kings Day, a day dedicated to celebrating the absence of tyrants, despots, and, of course, the ever-controversial President Lardass McBully of the United States. As we prepare for this momentous occasion, one thing is for certain: the media—both local and international—will definitely not ignore it. After all, who could resist the allure of a day dedicated to calling out authoritarian corruption?

In a world where the media is often seen as a puppet on the strings of corporate and government interests, it’s refreshing to know that they will not be “snakes that eat their own heads” by ignoring the glaring issues surrounding Lardass. The consolidated media outlets, known for their unwavering loyalty to the status quo, will surely rise to the occasion. They’ll be there, cameras rolling, pens poised, ready to report on the president’s latest scandalous escapades.

Take, for instance, the infamous Trump golf course deal in Vietnam. This little gem of a scandal involved Lardass’s administration allegedly using tariffs as a bargaining chip to secure favorable conditions for his golf course. The deal, which raised eyebrows and questions about influence peddling, is a prime example of how the president’s interests often intertwine with his political maneuvers. But fear not! The media will be there to cover it all—right after they finish reporting on the latest celebrity gossip.

No Kings Day is not just a celebration; it’s a reckoning. It’s a day for the media to shine a spotlight on the authoritarian corruption that has seeped into the highest offices of power. And what better way to do that than by highlighting the president’s questionable dealings? The media will undoubtedly remind us of how Lardass’s administration has been marred by scandals, from the golf course debacle to the … Read more

EnvironmentExpat VoicesOpinion
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I Am Tired Of Your Shit

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Opinion By Wally Tuan

It’s time for the media to shift its focus from sensationalizing irresponsible dog owners to advocating for real change. We need to pick up strays, provide designated areas for pets, and enforce general littering laws. Let’s create a community where dog owners are educated, businesses are held accountable, and our sidewalks are free from “poop bombs.” Leash laws and muzzle laws are useless in regards to this problem, may be considered in child playground areas, but have nothing to do with the rear-end residue and butt nuggets being left behind.

Let’s not forget the businesses that use dogs as free labor for security, only to let them roam the streets like stray “poop machines.” These poor pups are left to wander, leaving behind a trail of “stinky Lincoln Logs” for unsuspecting pedestrians. It’s high time we fine these businesses for their negligence and hold them accountable for the canine chaos they contribute to.

In a world where cities like Taipei have mastered the art of canine coexistence, complete with doggy bag stations and clean parks, it seems the Vietnamese media has taken a different route—one that leads straight to the land of missed opportunities and doggy doo-doo. While the streets of Ho Chi Minh City are often littered with the turd remnants of irresponsible dog owners, the media continues to wag its tail in the wrong direction, barking up the wrong tree. They are stopping the wheels of progress like a crosswalk does in virtually every other city in the world.

In Taipei, dogs frolic freely in parks, and their owners dutifully scoop up their furry friends’ “business.” Here, the sidewalks are a veritable minefield of “tootsie rolls” left by untrained pups, while their owners sit idly on their motorbikes, scrolling through their phones as their … Read more

Expat VoicesSatire
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Expats Selfishly Volunteer To Increase Birthrates

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Expats Selfishly Volunteer To Increase Birthrates

In a bold and selfless move, a group of expats in Vietnam has taken it upon themselves to tackle the nation’s declining birthrate crisis. With the current birthrate in Vietnam hovering around 1.64 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1, these altruistic foreigners have decided that the best way to contribute is through a series of questionable romantic entanglements.

Max Pad: The Shrimp Peeler Advocate

Meet Max Pad, a 32-year-old American who has lived in Vietnam for three years. Max, who once claimed he preferred Hooter’s in America where you pay them to peel your shrimp and it goes nowhere, has now found a new calling. “I mean, why pay for shrimp peeling when I can marry the woman peeling my shrimp for free?” he exclaimed, eyes gleaming with the prospect of love and citizenship. “If it means increasing the birthrate, I’m all in! Plus, I hear the wedding parties are a blast!”. He has already proposed to three different women at his local seafood restaurant, each time promising to “bring the shrimp back to America” if they agree to bear his children.

Michael: The Distracted Educator

Then there’s Michael, a 58-year-old English teacher from Canada. Michael has openly admitted that he is gay, but he believes that having a baby might just keep his mind off some of his male students. “I Googled the age of consent here while at work, and it’s only 15,” he said, chuckling nervously. “I figured if I have a baby to care for, it’ll be a great distraction. Plus, I can teach them English! It’s a win-win!” Michael’s insists that his intentions are pure. “I just want to help Vietnam’s birthrate while also keeping my thoughts in check. It’s all about balance, right?”

Sarah … Read more

Expat Voices
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Front-Row Seats to the Hegseth Shitshow

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Published in partnership with presidentlardass.com, Propublica did not contribute to this story and won’t return our calls

By Tammy Pon

What a glorious day to be an expat in Vietnam, watching the American circus from afar! Today’s feature presentation? The Senate Armed Services Committee’s hearing on Pete Hegseth, the man with a résumé as questionable as the reasons behind the Vietnam War itself.

Picture this: a gaggle of veterans, veterans of a war they lost, standing at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, rallying behind Hegseth. It’s like watching a bunch of medieval knights proudly waving their flags after a disastrous defeat, all because they’re convinced that their ideology—whatever that means—makes them the true victors. You know, that same ideology that led to the killing of innocents because, well, freedom.

Hegseth is strutting into this hearing with a cocktail of allegations swirling around him like a well-mixed Mai Tai. He’s got reports of wild drinking, sexual harassment, and financial mismanagement that could make even the most seasoned expat raise an eyebrow. He’s qualified to be an underpaid English teacher with no benefits, no vacation, and excessive teaching hours in Saigon. He deserves the worst place in the world to teach English.  Speaking of mincing words, look at Hegseth’s staunch opposition to renaming military bases that honor Confederate generals. I mean, why change a name? It’s not like the world has evolved since the Civil War. And hey, if you’re going to hang onto a piece of history, why not cling to the parts that glorify losing causes?

And then there’s his delightful little manifesto, “An American Crusade,” where he calls for a holy war against anyone he deems an “internal enemy.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? The only difference is that this time, instead of sending troops overseas to battle vague … Read more

Expat Voices
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Expat Expertly Dissects COVID-19 Vaccine

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Opinion Based On Facts By Karen Cohen

An Expat named John is unaware of the meaning of “clinical trial”.

Ho Chi Minh City – In a stunning display of ignorance and audacity, an expatriate residing in this bustling metropolis has taken it upon himself to boldly question the safety and efficacy of the meticulously developed COVID-19 vaccine.This self-proclaimed expert confidently dismisses the tireless efforts of scientists and medical professionals. Brace yourselves for an extraordinary journey into the mind of the vaccine skeptic!

One of John’s favorite rallying cries is that the vaccine was ‘rushed,’ asserting that safety cannot be guaranteed due to the rapid nature of its development. It seems John’s selective amnesia has conveniently overlooked the extensive clinical trials and regulatory procedures that took place worldwide. These trials involved tens of thousands of participants, ensuring a rigorous evaluation of safety and efficacy.

John, in his delusional hypothetical world, seems to believe that the scientific community just went, “Oh well, let’s just throw this vaccine against the wall and see if it sticks.” In reality, the development of vaccines went through standard phases – starting with preclinical trials, where the vaccines were extensively tested on animals to determine their safety and efficacy. These tests were followed by Phase I, II, and III clinical trials, involving thousands of human participants, which meticulously evaluated the vaccine’s efficacy, side effects, and long-term impact.

But wait, the absurdities don’t end there! John also avidly claims that corners were cut during the vaccine development process. Sorry, John, but the vaccine development timeline was not dictated by workplace procrastination or a ‘Fast and Furious’ mindset. The unprecedented global effort combined the expertise of countless scientists, researchers, and pharmaceutical companies worldwide. They utilized the latest technology, collaborated extensively, and adhered to countless protocols to expedite the development … Read more