Nguyen Ayi

Satire
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Vietnamese Café Staff Blissfully Unaware of Countless Masterpieces by Western Artists, Settle for 10 Covers by Talentless Hacks

By Nguyen Ayi

Popularity Trumps Quality: A Musical Adventure in Vietnamese Cafés

In a shocking revelation that has left music enthusiasts scratching their heads in disbelief, the staff of countless Vietnamese cafés have proven themselves blissfully unaware of the vast array of musical genius produced by Western artists. Instead, they have chosen to subject their patrons to a mind-numbing playlist consisting solely of 10 covers performed by what can only be described as talentless hacks.

Café-goers, seeking a harmonious escape from the world, are greeted by a cacophony of butchered renditions of beloved hits from across the globe. The café staff, with wide smiles and unbridled enthusiasm, believe that “pop” simply means popular and therefore assume that people must love it. After all, if a song has amassed over 500,000,000 views, it must be good, right?

Upon further investigation, it becomes painfully clear that the café staff’s musical education has been confined solely to the realms of YouTube views and superficial popularity charts. Ignorant of the rich tapestry of musical artistry woven by Western legends, they have become trapped in a bubble of mediocrity, perpetuating a musical purgatory for unsuspecting customers.

One can only wonder how these unwitting purveyors of musical torment manage to overlook the timeless melodies and poetic lyrics that have defined generations. Are they oblivious to the ethereal vocal prowess of Aretha Franklin, the soul-stirring ballads of Elton John, or the electrifying guitar riffs of Jimi Hendrix? It seems they remain tragically ignorant of the countless musical masterpieces that could grace their café, opting instead for amateurish interpretations by the local karaoke enthusiasts.

While one could argue that music taste is subjective, there are certain universal markers of quality that transcend personal preferences. Yet, the Vietnamese café staff seem content to drown their patrons in a sea … Read more

Satire
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Deafening Silence

Headphones Seller in Vietnam Stunned as Sales Fall Flat

By Nguyen Ayi

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In a tale of market miscalculations and shattered dreams, a hopeful entrepreneur found himself dumbfounded by the lackluster sales of his headphone business in a country notorious for its penchant for speakerphone conversations. With an unwavering belief that he was catering to an essential need, the bewildered seller invested his life savings, only to be met with a deafening silence in the marketplace.

Thinh Nhat had an epiphany one day as he strolled through the bustling streets of Vietnam. He noticed an overwhelming number of people shamelessly conducting phone conversations on speaker mode, sharing their every word with the world like a one-person radio show. Groups of students were playing video games and videos as loud as possible with no concern of the people around them. Nhat, thinking he had struck gold, saw a golden opportunity in this cacophony of public conversations and decided to dive headfirst into the headphone business.

Armed with enthusiasm and an unwavering belief that he was filling a market void, Nhat poured his parent’s life savings into a range of top-notch headphones. He envisioned a future where everyone would ditch the speakerphone madness and embrace the joy of private conversations, leading to booming sales and a life of entrepreneurial success.

However, reality had other plans in store for Nhat. As he opened his sleek headphone store, excitement coursing through his veins, he eagerly awaited the hordes of customers clamoring for his wares. Yet, to his dismay, the store remained as quiet as a library during nap time.

Baffled by the lack of interest, Nhat scratched his head and wondered what had gone wrong. He had assumed that the incessant public speakerphone conversations were a sign of a … Read more

Expat VoicesSatireTravel
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How Generosity in Vietnam Leads to Forgettable Service

By Ngyuen Ayi

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In a country known for its warm hospitality and delectable cuisine, an uncanny dance has emerged between tipping and the quality of service. Seemingly paradoxical, it appears that the more you frequent an establishment and generously tip, the greater the chances of experiencing forgettable service and a complete loss of your order.

For many travelers, Vietnam’s vibrant culinary scene is an enticing adventure waiting to be savored. Eager to immerse themselves in the local culture, they become regulars at their favorite eateries, ready to embark on a gastronomic journey. Armed with guidebooks and online recommendations, they eagerly approach the tables, wallets adorned with tipping generosity.

As the relationship between patron and establishment grows, an unexpected transformation occurs. The waitstaff, once attentive and mindful, seem to lose their recollection of regulars’ faces, names, and even their cherished orders.

But fear not, for this is not a result of malicious intent. Rather, it is an unintentional manifestation of the “Law of Familiarity” in the realm of customer service. As regular customers tip more generously, the staff’s initial enthusiasm gradually morphs into a cocktail of complacency and forgetfulness. In their minds, the regulars have become fixtures of the establishment, part of the permanent furniture that no longer necessitates special attention.

Customers who were once the shining stars of the dining experience now find themselves cast into the abyss of anonymity. The waitstaff may serve them with a distant gaze, unaware of their long-standing relationship or their preferred dish. The once-cherished order is relegated to a distant memory, lost among the ever-growing chaos of forgetfulness.

And so, a disheartening irony emerges. The more patrons strive to be recognized and rewarded for their loyalty, the more likely they are to fade into the background. The tipping … Read more

Expat VoicesSatire
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Cafe Owner Targets Fan At Douchebag Backpacker, Leaves Locals Stunned

By Phil McCracken And Nguyen Ayi

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – A cafe owner of in Vietnam took matters into his own breeze-inducing hands, delivering a refreshing blow to a self-proclaimed “douchebag” backpacker. As the fan’s gusts swerved away from the loyal regulars and landed squarely on the unsuspecting traveler, the collective reaction of the café-goers can only be described as sheer bewilderment.

The scene unfolded at a humble café nestled in the heart of this vibrant city. Regular customers, sipping their steaming cups of Vietnamese coffee, were taken aback as the café’s manager made a daring move. With a twinkle in his eye and a sly smile, he skillfully re-positioned the cooling fan, redirecting its airflow towards an individual who could easily be mistaken for the poster child of obnoxiousness.

Enter our protagonist, a backpacker who proudly boasted about his “worldly exploits” and embarked on a quest to discover “authenticity” while wearing an assortment of cultural trinkets. Clad in a tribal-patterned sarong, a fedora that screamed “cultural appropriation,” and an assortment of questionable tattoos, he sat at the café, regaling anyone within earshot with tales of his adventurous exploits.

Unbeknownst to the backpacker, fate had decided to intervene. As the manager’s hand gracefully guided the fan’s rotation, a gust of cooling air was unleashed upon the unsuspecting traveler. The fan’s strategic maneuver left the locals in stitches, marveling at the sheer brilliance of the universe’s sense of justice.

The backpacker, initially oblivious to the shift in atmospheric currents, reveled in the newfound attention, believing it to be a reflection of his undeniable magnetism. Little did he know that he had become the unwitting recipient of a cosmic prank, courtesy of a rebellious cooling device.

Meanwhile, the café’s regulars exchanged puzzled glances, their eyes mirroring a collective question mark. … Read more

Satire
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Man Smiling At Phone Is Faking It

Man Was Pretending to be Happy On His Phone

By Joe Fotalattee

In today’s world, it’s not uncommon to see people glued to their phones even in public places. But have you ever noticed someone pretending to be happy and laughing at a conversation that doesn’t even exist?

Meet Minh. Minh is a prime example of someone who has mastered the art of pretending to be happy on his phone. He sits at the coffee shop, scrolling mindlessly through his social media feed, but he doesn’t want the other person sitting next to him to know how lonely he is. So he puts on a fake smile and starts laughing as if he’s having the time of his life.

The other person, let’s call her Linh, is also on her phone. She’s scrolling through her emails, but she can’t help but notice Minh’s fake laughter. She wonders what could be so funny that Minh is laughing out loud.

Minh sees Linh looking at him and immediately feels embarrassed. He quickly puts his phone aside and starts pretending to read a book. Linh goes back to her emails, but she can’t help but feel sorry for herself, thinking, “What a sorry sack we both are”.

In reality, both Minh and Linh are just trying to escape the loneliness that comes with being alone in a public place. They both feel disconnected from the world around them and the people in it. They don’t want to seem like losers, so they put on a facade of happiness.

But what if they could just be real? What if they could put down their phones and strike up a conversation with each other? They might find that they have a lot in common, and that they share similar interests and experiences. They might even … Read more

Satire
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Foreigner Dismayed to Receive Name of Network as Wifi Password

Tourist Finds New Thing To Complain About

by Ngyen Ayi

A tourist visiting a local cafe was left in shock and disbelief when he asked the barista for the wifi password and was given the name of the network in the cafe as the answer.

The foreigner, who wished to remain anonymous, had been enjoying a cup of coffee and browsing on his smartphone when he decided to connect to the cafe’s wifi network. He approached the barista and politely asked for the password, only to be told that it was the name of the cafe itself.

“I couldn’t believe it,” the tourist said. “I mean, I could clearly see the name of the wifi network on my phone, and it was the same as the name of the cafe. Why would I want the name of the network? It’s like they’re not even trying.”

When the password turned out to be eight number eights, the tourist went on to express his disappointment with the cafe’s lack of creativity and originality, stating that he had expected more from a “culturally diverse and cosmopolitan city” like Ho Chi Minh City.

“Eventually, I thought I was going to get some sort of clever and witty password, like ‘espresso4life’ or ‘latteartislife’, but instead I got one I could have guessed without asking.”

The cafe’s management declined to comment on the situation, but sources close to the barista in question claim that he was simply following protocol and that the cafe’s wifi password had always been on the receipt anyway.

The incident has sparked a heated debate on social media, with many users expressing their own disappointment with the lack of creativity in wifi passwords at cafes and other public spaces. Some have even gone so far as to create their own wifi networks … Read more

EnvironmentSatire
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Climate Activist Gives Up on Single-Use Plastics, Embraces Toddler Lifestyle

By Nguyen Ayi

In a shocking turn of events, renowned climate activist, Whiney Sachs, has given up on his mission to avoid single-use plastics. Sachs, who has been an outspoken advocate for environmental conservation, has recently admitted defeat, citing the ubiquity of single-use plastics in every transaction and the emotional exhaustion that comes with trying to avoid them.

“I’ve been trying to do my part, but it’s just impossible,” said Sachs in a recent interview. “Everywhere I turn, there’s plastic cups, straws, and bags. I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle.”

Sachs went on to explain that he had come to the realization that no one individual can make a difference, and that it’s up to governments to take action by banning single-use plastics. Until then, Sachs has decided to embrace a toddler lifestyle by using a plastic cup and straw with every drink.

“I’ve decided to stop stressing about it and just enjoy life,” said Sachs, sipping from his plastic sippy cup. “If the world is going to drown in plastic, I might as well go down with a smile on my face.”

The news of Sachs’ surrender has been met with mixed reactions from the environmental community, with some praising his honesty and others criticizing his defeatist attitude.

“He’s given up too easily,” said fellow activist, Sally Sanctimonious. “We need to keep fighting and pushing for change. Giving in is not an option.”

Despite the criticism, Sachs seems content with his decision and plans to continue living his life with a newfound sense of freedom and ease.

“I’m not saying we should all give up on the environment,” said Sachs. “But sometimes, it’s okay to take a step back and enjoy the little things in life. Like a plastic sippy cup.”