Nguyen Ayi

EducationNewsSatire
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New Visa Policy Creates Opportunity To Disparage Foreigners

by Nguyen Ayi

In a recent visa policy article, the comment section was abuzz with an unlikely hero: Phuoc My. This self-proclaimed genius took pride in belittling English teachers as nothing more than backpackers, insinuating that they were all drug addicts and pedophiles. Mr. My’s comment section grandstanding was quite the sight to behold. It was as if he was a proud rooster, crowing the loudest in the yard.

Ironically, Phuoc My is a man of limited education and probably couldn’t spell the word ‘pedophile’ if he tried. Nonetheless, he took great delight in disrespecting educators who have dedicated their lives to teaching the English language. To him, it was a great way to uplift his spirits as he went about his underpaid job. It’s safe to say that Mr. My would have gladly pursued education himself, but unfortunately, trolling online comes easier.

It should be noted that Phuoc My is actually one of VNEXPRESS’s employees. His trolling habits of calling teachers “illegal workers” have become the talk of the newsroom and have been a great way to increase the number of comments on his visa policy article. Who knew that overt racism and painting foreigners as “the other” could be so lucrative?

The saddest outcome of this ridiculousness is that teaching is no longer a respected profession. The Phuoc My’s of this world have succeeded in tarnishing the reputation of dedicated educators who are doing everything in their power to make a difference in the world. Thanks to commenters like Mr. My, it is hardly surprising to see a decline in the number of foreigners willing to come to Vietnam as English teachers. Meanwhile, Vietnam will continue to lag behind its neighbors in English proficiency, further hindering the country’s development.

In conclusion, Phuoc My can continue wearing his troll … Read more

Expat VoicesSatire
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Vietnam Regulating Crypto And Protecting Citizens From Investment Scams

This article is satire and does not reflect reality, much like crypto enthusiasts and the pro-crypto Vietnamese press.

By Nguyen Ayi

In a move that has shocked the crypto community, Vietnam has announced that it will be regulating cryptocurrency to protect its most vulnerable citizens from scams and bad investments. This decision comes as no surprise to those who have been following China’s recent crackdowns on other sectors such as education and big tech.

Wise officials in charge argue that crypto is just data and has no intrinsic value, making it the perfect breeding ground for scams and bad investments.

“We’re just trying to protect our citizens from themselves,” says a government spokesperson. “We’ve seen too many people lose their life savings on these so-called ‘investments,’ and we can’t allow that to continue.”

One disgruntled expat, who asked to remain anonymous, expressed frustration with the new regulations. “I couldn’t even pay for my $1.50 Banh Mi with my Doouchecoin,” he exclaimed. “I don’t carry cash because my entire life savings is in this coin that my brother-in-law gave me a hot tip on. Now what am I supposed to do?”

Many are praising the government’s efficiency in finally regulating crypto, likening it to China’s swift action in recent years. “We’re just doing our job,” says the spokesperson. “We’re here to protect our citizens, and we take that responsibility very seriously.”

It remains to be seen how these new regulations will affect the crypto market in Vietnam, but one thing is certain – the government will not stand idly by while its citizens are taken advantage of.

Satire
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Business Relies On Prayer Not Customers

A local business in Ho Chi Minh City has created an altar dedicated to Buddha in the middle of their boutique. The awkwardly positioned statue, located near the front door, is causing more confusion than actual devotion.

While most businesses focus on creating a welcoming environment for customers and hiring attentive staff, this business seems to think that praying to a statue is the key to success. According to sources, the owner believes that the more they pray to Buddha, the more customers will flock to their store.

But this questionable strategy isn’t the only issue. Customers have complained about the lack of attention from staff, who seem more interested in scrolling through social media on their phones than assisting customers with their purchases.

When confronted about these concerns, the owner of the store stated that praying to Buddha is more effective than actually paying attention to customers. “Buddha is like Santa Claus,” the owner explained, “you ask for something and he delivers it to you. If we just focus on pleasing customers, we might risk losing our spiritual edge.”

While some customers might be drawn in by the exotic aesthetics of the boutique, it seems that overall, the altar to Buddha is seen as a confusing and inadequate substitute for genuine customer service. Customers expect a business to meet their needs, not to pray for them.

In addition to their reliance on prayer, the business also seems to lack basic business skills such as marketing and inventory management. “Those things are just too complicated,” the owner admitted. “Prayer is much easier. And besides, this is family money anyway. We can always get a loan we won’t pay back if the Buddha statue or our dead relatives don’t come through for us.”

It’s clear that the business is taking a … Read more

Satire
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New Regulations End Teaching Shortage

Saigon’s English teaching shortage has been a concern for years, but good news has finally arrived. Thanks to increased documentation and educational requirements, this shortage is no more! That’s right, all you need to do is make the process so complicated that seasoned educators with years of experience in the field move to other countries.

It turns out that having a degree in English and a teaching certification just doesn’t cut it anymore. In order to teach the language, you must have a degree in education. This has caused many longtime educators to throw in the towel and leave the country, paving the way for fresh-faced, inexperienced teachers who can meet these new requirements.

All of these new regulations have made Saigon’s English teaching system just like other Asian countries, except without the decent full-time salary or benefits. China, Korea, Japan, and countless other countries offer full-time pay, benefits, flights and housing. Middle-aged English teachers in Vietnam who have been in the game for years are left with no benefits and no future retirement plans, unlike underpaid HR rejecting talent or teaching assistants who complain about their pay now, but will surely be raking in the dough once they hit middle age.

It seems that the English teaching industry in Saigon is mimicking the Mexican fruit pickers in America. Sure, Mexicans get free housing, but middle-aged English teachers are left with nothing but a stack of papers and a degree that is no longer relevant. The good news is, if you’re a fresh-faced, inexperienced teacher looking for work, Saigon is the place to be! Just make sure you have the right paperwork, and you’ll be on your way to a short and fruitful career.

Satire
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Big Brother’s Potato Bar in Saigon

A Paradise of Surveilled Secrets and Unfiltered Confessions

Saigon, Vietnam – In a bizarre twist that blurs the lines between privacy and voyeurism, the owner of a local bar, aptly named Potato, has taken surveillance to unprecedented heights. With a zeal that borders on obsession, this bar owner has transformed their establishment into a den of cameras, microphones, and potentially embarrassing revelations.

As you step into Potato Bar, you might feel a strange tingling sensation down your spine. It’s not just the buzz of conversations and clinking glasses that fills the air; it’s the owner’s insatiable desire to capture every moment, every word, and every awkward drunk dance move for posterity. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the bar where Big Brother meets mixology.

The owner’s obsession with surveillance knows no bounds. With not one, but two camera angles meticulously covering every square inch of the bar, they revel in the ability to catch their customers in compromising situations. Whether it’s a drunken confession of undying love or a botched attempt at breakdancing, no moment escapes the watchful eyes of the omnipresent cameras.

But it doesn’t stop there. Oh no, every square inch of the bar is micro-phoned and taped, allowing the owner to eavesdrop on every conversation as if they were a fly on the wall. The perverse pleasure derived from hearing customers’ deepest secrets, uncensored jokes, and even mundane complaints brings a wicked grin to the owner’s face and a wetness to their under-regions.

The potential for scandal is endless. Imagine one of Potato Bar’s regulars deciding to run for public office. The owner’s surveillance footage could easily contain a treasure trove of embarrassing moments, from drunk fart jokes to impromptu karaoke performances of questionable talent. It’s the stuff of campaign nightmares and the owner’s secret delight.

As … Read more

NewsSatire
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Expat Revels in Trump’s Indictment

By Nguyen Ayi

Trump’s Extensive Indictment Brings Unexpected Joy to an Expat

Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam – In a twist of irony, an expatriate residing in Vietnam has found himself relishing the news of Donald Trump’s federal indictment a little too much. As the rest of the world grapples with the repercussions of the former president’s misdeeds, one foreigner has discovered an unexpected source of satisfaction amid a sea of intrigue.

As John scrolls through his news feed, the headline catches his eye: “Trump Faces 36-Count Federal Indictment.” Unable to contain his excitement, John’s face breaks into an almost maniacal grin, eliciting bewildered glances from locals who are unaware of the magnitude of Trump’s crimes.

In the land of Pho and motorbikes, where the daily concerns revolve around street food delicacies and navigating the bustling streets, John finds solace in the political chaos unfolding thousands of miles away. While Vietnamese citizens and the government remain blissfully ignorant of Trump’s extensive list of charges and crimes, John revels in the knowledge that justice may finally be catching up to the former leader.

As John shares the news with fellow expats at a local watering hole, a sense of schadenfreude permeates the air. Each sip of his craft beer seems to be imbued with the sweet taste of satisfaction as he imagines Trump navigating the legal labyrinth that awaits him, facing the weight of 36 counts of wrongdoing. While the Vietnamese locals remain unaware, John delights in his newfound role as the bearer of the latest developments in American politics.

It’s a peculiar juxtaposition, witnessing a foreigner basking in the drama of a political scandal while the local community remains oblivious to its existence. As John’s friends try to comprehend his unwavering glee, they can’t help but wonder if he … Read more

Satire
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Vietnamese Partner Masters the Art of Multiverse Navigation and Time Bending to Keep Tabs on Loved One

By Ngyuen Ayi

In a relationship that defies the laws of time, space, and common sense, a Vietnamese partner has taken the art of knowing each other’s whereabouts to new, otherworldly heights. Despite the partner’s penchant for disappearing for days on end to visit alternate realities, attending classes at bizarre hours like Sunday evenings, and participating in ghostly possession events during death anniversaries, the other half remains undeterred in their quest to keep tabs on their loved one.

While most couples rely on mundane methods like texting or phone calls to check in on each other, this extraordinary Vietnamese partner has mastered the art of multiverse navigation and time bending to maintain an unprecedented level of surveillance.

While their partner embarks on interdimensional adventures, hopping between parallel realities and exploring the mysteries of the cosmos, the ever-watchful partner is left to grapple with the mind-boggling question of “Where on Earth—or beyond—is my significant other now?”

But fear not, dear readers, for this Vietnamese partner possesses a unique set of skills. They have honed their abilities to keep track of their loved one’s whereabouts even in the most extraordinary circumstances. Armed with a supernatural GPS and an unrelenting determination, they navigate the complex web of alternate realities, transcending time and space to ensure their partner’s location is never truly a mystery.

Picture this: It’s a lazy Sunday evening, the perfect time for relaxation and quality time together. But in this relationship, Sunday evenings are reserved for attending classes at the oddest hours. Who needs a conventional schedule when you can embrace the quirks of the multiverse? While the rest of the world enjoys their leisurely evenings, this extraordinary Vietnamese partner immerses themselves in knowledge, undeterred by the limitations of time and societal norms.

And let us not forget the death anniversaries, … Read more