Nguyen Ayi

Satire
0

Bridge-Side Heroin Use May Be Associated With Cancer

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Pasteur Institute for Public Health released a study this week concluding that doing heroin every day under a bridge “could possibly” be linked to increased cancer risk.

The paper, titled “Environmental Contexts and Long-Term Outcomes Associated With Street-Level Intravenous Opioid Use: A Bridge Too Far?” arrives just in time to be ignored by policymakers and forwarded with triumphant certainty by three distinct email chains.

Key Findings:

– Daily intravenous heroin use in unsanitary, outdoor settings was associated with a higher incidence of various cancers compared with people who didn’t do heroin every day under a bridge. The research team notes that exposure to contaminated needles, poor nutrition, chronic infections, and the general stress of living under a structure designed to keep water away were all plausible contributors.

-Gig economy workers being underpaid while CEO’s make record salaries could contribute to Grab drivers not being able to afford a one-hour hotel while shooting up da chrystal.

– The study carefully separated the possible causes into neat, bureaucratically named categories: behavioral risk factors, environmental carcinogen exposure, and “other adverse life circumstances.” Footnotes specify that “other adverse life circumstances” includes, but is not limited to, sleeping in a place water runs under, and having both foliage and dog poop.

– Statistical models showed a modest association after adjusting for age, smoking, alcohol use, and whether participants regularly tried to signal for help using semaphore.

Researchers located a sample of adults with varying levels of daily heroin use, some of whom preferred bridges for their cultural ambiance. They collected health outcomes over time, because cancer doesn’t usually declare itself in 48 hours and also because grant applications require “longitudinal data.” They did the standard cautious academic thing of saying “association, not causation” in about seven separate sections, each with increasing font size.

Authors recommend … Read more

Tech
0

Boycott Big Tech

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Take a Stand Against Fascism

This article is not satire

In the wake of another big tech company paying off tyrant President Lardass, boycotting big tech companies like Google, Amazon, and Facebook is a powerful way to express dissatisfaction with their practices, especially when they seem to cater to authoritarian regimes. Just as the cancellation of Disney Plus was a statement that kept Jimmy Kimmel on the air, choosing to withdraw support from these tech giants sends a clear message: we will not tolerate their complicity in undermining democratic values.

For the past five years, I have consciously avoided using any Google products, with the exception of the occasional Google Maps feature integrated into my taxi apps, and even then, I remain unsigned in. This decision was not made lightly; it reflects a commitment to supporting alternatives that align more closely with my values.

In my quest to distance myself from big tech, I discovered several alternatives that have proven to be effective and reliable:

– Koofr: I have been using a Koofr Lifetime account for cloud storage for five years. While it has one drawback, a limited photo search feature, I appreciate its commitment to user privacy and its user-friendly interface. I trust that improvements will come over time.

– Ubuntu: By switching to Ubuntu, I have eliminated the need for any Microsoft products. While Microsoft may be considered the “least evil” among big tech companies, I prefer to avoid their ecosystem altogether.

– LibreOffice and GIMP: These open-source alternatives to Microsoft Office and Adobe Photoshop allow me to accomplish all my document and graphic editing tasks without relying on big tech.

– Chat Apps and Mail Apps: I have successfully ditched WhatsApp in favor of more privacy-focused chat applications like Signal, Viber, and Zalo. If you

… Read more
Expat VoicesOpinion
0

No Kings Day: Media Attention On October 18th

Posted byNguyen Ayi

visit nokings.org

October 18th, 2025 is officially dubbed No Kings Day, a day dedicated to celebrating the absence of tyrants, despots, and, of course, the ever-controversial President Lardass McBully of the United States. As we prepare for this momentous occasion, one thing is for certain: the media—both local and international—will definitely not ignore it. After all, who could resist the allure of a day dedicated to calling out authoritarian corruption?

In a world where the media is often seen as a puppet on the strings of corporate and government interests, it’s refreshing to know that they will not be “snakes that eat their own heads” by ignoring the glaring issues surrounding Lardass. The consolidated media outlets, known for their unwavering loyalty to the status quo, will surely rise to the occasion. They’ll be there, cameras rolling, pens poised, ready to report on the president’s latest scandalous escapades.

Take, for instance, the infamous Trump golf course deal in Vietnam. This little gem of a scandal involved Lardass’s administration allegedly using tariffs as a bargaining chip to secure favorable conditions for his golf course. The deal, which raised eyebrows and questions about influence peddling, is a prime example of how the president’s interests often intertwine with his political maneuvers. But fear not! The media will be there to cover it all—right after they finish reporting on the latest celebrity gossip.

No Kings Day is not just a celebration; it’s a reckoning. It’s a day for the media to shine a spotlight on the authoritarian corruption that has seeped into the highest offices of power. And what better way to do that than by highlighting the president’s questionable dealings? The media will undoubtedly remind us of how Lardass’s administration has been marred by scandals, from the golf course debacle to the … Read more

Opinion
0

Media Watch: Money and Fame Chronicles At VNExpress

Posted byNguyen Ayi

VNExpress has become the go-to source for all things cash-related. From the latest stock market fluctuations to the price of empty apartments, it seems that every headline is a love letter to money. The obsession doesn’t stop at cash; it extends into the glitzy realm of celebrity culture, where fame and fortune collide in a dazzling spectacle.

Let’s take a moment to appreciate the sheer volume of articles dedicated to the pursuit of wealth and celebrity status. Here are some of the most common themes you’ll find:

-Currency Watch: Exchange-rate snippets sit beside finance explainers: “USD: 26,191” and “Dollar struggles to recover against dong.” Pair that with “What can I do if the 15 taels of gold I bought are not 99.99% pure?” and you have a steady diet of money anxiety and quick-fix consumer advice.

-Consumerism Chronicles: Cost-of-living clickbait like “iPhone 17 Pro costs 6 work days in Singapore, 60 in Hanoi” and “Top 10 Luxury Cars You Must Own to Be Considered Successful” turns buying power into a morality play: you either keep up or you’re failing.

– Celebrity Spotlight: From global celebrity moves (“F1 legend Lewis Hamilton sells entire $17M supercar collection”) to local infotainment (“How to Live Like a Star: The Secrets of Vietnam’s Rich and Famous”), lifestyle and gossip stories elbow serious news aside. Human interest becomes aspirational product placement.

– Gossip Galore: Articles like “Who’s Dating Who in the Celebrity World?” keep readers glued to the latest romantic entanglements. After all, nothing says “I’ve made it” like being linked to a famous face.

– Business Boosters Disguised as National Pride: Articles encouraging investment (“‘Invest more in Vietnam’: President Luong Cuong tells American business execs in New York”) and airline partnerships (“Singapore Airlines, Vietnam Airlines team up”) frame growth as both inevitability and … Read more

FinanceGood NewsSatire
0

Woman Waits for Parents’ Death Before Distributing Estate Equally

Posted byNguyen Ayi

Saigon, Vietnam– In a heartwarming display of familial love and respect, local resident Nguyen Thi Lan has announced her noble plan to wait patiently for her parents to pass away before distributing their estate among her siblings. The 35-year-old sister, known for her unwavering commitment to family harmony, has vowed to ensure that the distribution of their parents’ hard-earned land and money will be executed without a single argument.

“I just want to honor our parents’ legacy,” Lan stated. “They worked so hard for everything they have, and I believe the best way to respect them is to wait until they’re gone.”

Lan’s brothers, Nguyen Van Hoang and Nguyen Van Minh, have expressed their gratitude for her selfless decision. “It’s refreshing to see someone take the high road,” Hoang remarked, while Minh added, “I mean, who wouldn’t want to wait for our parents to die before discussing their money? It’s the respectful thing to do!” Neither brothers have ever done anything irresponsible with money like taking loans they can’t pay back.

The siblings have already begun to prepare for the inevitable family meeting that will take place after their parents’ passing. “We’ve even created a group chat called ‘Estate Planning’ to ensure that we can discuss everything in a civilized manner,” Minh explained. “We’re all on the same page—no arguments, just love and respect.”

Local experts have praised Lan’s approach, noting that her decision to wait for her parents to pass away is a refreshing change from the typical inheritance disputes that often plague families in Saigon. “It’s rare to see such a selfless act in today’s society,” said Dr. Tran Minh Tu, a family psychologist.

As the family prepares for the inevitable, Lan has also taken steps to ensure that her parents are comfortable in their twilight years. “I’ve … Read more

News
0

Vietnam and Russia Dodge Sanctions Using Oil Profits to Repay Russian Arms

Posted byNguyen Ayi

This article is not satire

OIL STAINED LAUNDROMAT

Vietnam and Russia Dodge Sanctions Using Oil Profits to Repay Russian Arms

As reported by APNEWS, Russia and Vietnam are letting oil and gas profits play musical chairs across Siberia and Saigon until military hardware is paid for with as little paper trail as possible.

Under the arrangement: Vietnam buys jets, tanks and ships from Russia on credit. Then, they funnel profits from their joint Siberian oil venture to Moscow to settle the tab. Any leftover profits perform a graceful national identity swap — routed to a Russian state oil firm, which then funnels the same amount back into Vietnam through a local joint venture.

Officials who leaked the memos say the system was finalized while diplomats sipped tea ahead of a presidential visit, because nothing says “strategic partnership” like synchronised ledgers. Petrovietnam’s memo cheerfully notes the scheme keeps everything “within the territory of Vietnam and Russia,” which translates to: “No SWIFT? No problem.”

Washington, issues the usual cautionary finger wag about sanctions staying in place while diplomats ask themselves whether to be annoyed or professionally impressed. Think-tankers called it “next-level stuff,” which is analyst-speak for “clever and mildly terrifying.”

Vietnam, anxious about its giant neighbor China but increasingly chummy with the U.S., still depends on Russian hardware and spare parts. Russia, meanwhile, prefers getting paid in barrels and back-channel somersaults rather than polite bank transfers. Together, they’ve produced a system designed to keep sailors afloat, pilots flying, and accountants very busy.

Vietnam is simply hedging: cozy with Moscow where it counts for defense, friendly with Washington where it counts for trade.

News
0

ICE Training Request in Quy Nhon Looks Like a Taxpayer-Funded Retreat

Posted byNguyen Ayi

This article is not satire

According to the U.S. Consulate General in Ho Chi Minh City’s solicitation PR15454706 and related documents obtained by The Beat, the consulate is seeking meeting packages and accommodations in Quy Nhon for an ICE training workshop scheduled for September 14–20, 2025. The procurement packet’s specifications and room counts read less like a focused law-enforcement training and more like a government-funded retreat.

The combination of 45 meeting attendees and 30 paid rooms — along with a multiday seaside venue in Quy Nhon, daily buffets and tea breaks, backdrop branding, and storage for “training materials” — raises immediate questions about who will occupy the paid rooms. The solicitation’s math suggests accommodation for roughly 35 ICE agents plus 15 accompanying family members or friends, a configuration that describes a thinly veiled vacation package financed by taxpayers.

Housing and hospitality requirements that extend beyond core training needs, plus paid accommodations, risk appearing indulgent at best and an improper use of public funds at worst.

The solicitation comes against a backdrop of intensified immigration enforcement affecting Vietnamese nationals during the cruel policies of the Trump administration. Over 8,000 Vietnamese face potential deportation. For families and communities affected by deportation, the image of ICE personnel attending a well-serviced seaside workshop in Vietnam — potentially accompanied by non-official guests — can feel deeply insensitive, if not outright offensive.

Taxpayer-funded training overseas that involves immigration enforcement carries particular sensitivity when it intersects with communities directly affected by deportation policies. Transparency about participants, costs, and the mission focus of such trips is essential to maintain public trust and to ensure government resources are used for legitimate operational needs rather than extended hospitality. A FOIA request has been filed with the State Department seeking further details about participant lists, room allocations, and the

… Read more