Nguyen Ayi

Opinion
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Vietnam: The Land of Loud Phones

By Nguyen Ayi

When it comes to phone etiquette, there are some universal rules that everyone follows. Don’t shout into your phone on a crowded train. Don’t blast your music out loud in a library. And for the love of all that is good and holy, don’t take a call during a movie.

But what if we told you that there’s a place where all these rules go out the window? A place where playing your phone loudly on speaker is not only accepted, but practically encouraged?

Welcome to Vietnam, where the sound of phones ringing and music blasting is as common as the smell of pho in the air. Here, you don’t have to worry about bothering other people with your phone calls or music choices. In fact, if you’re not playing your phone loudly, you might as well be a hermit living under a rock.

So why is Vietnam so obsessed with loud phones? Well, it’s all about the Vietnamese people’s friendly nature. They want to share their lives with everyone around them, whether it’s Baby Shark on repeat or the details of their latest doctor’s appointment.

And let’s be real here – privacy is overrated. Who needs it when you can hear your neighbor’s entire conversation with their mom about what they had for breakfast? It’s like getting free entertainment without even trying.

But don’t think you can just whip out your phone and start blaring your music anywhere you want. Go ahead and let your phone play loudly on speaker. Who knows – you might even make some new friends who share your love for K-pop or Taylor Swift.

But overall, the Vietnamese people’s love for loud phones is just another example of their outgoing and friendly nature. So the next time you’re in Vietnam, embrace … Read more

Satire
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Utilizing Plastics On Vietnam’s Beaches

By Nguyen Ayi

Plastic bags are often seen as a nuisance, but they can also be beautiful when viewed from Mui Ne, Nha Trang, Phu Quoc, Vung Tau, or any of Vietnam’s tourist beaches. When the bags are blowing in the wind, they look like delicate butterflies. And when they’re stacked up on a beach, they can create a stunning geometric pattern.

But plastic bags aren’t just beautiful to look at. They can also be a lot of fun to play with. For example, you can use them to make a sail for a boat, or you can use them to make a kite. And if you’re feeling really creative, you can even use them to make a dress or a hat.

Of course, plastic bags aren’t just good for having fun. They can also be used to help the environment. For example, you can use them to collect trash, or you can use them to make a birdhouse. And if you’re really feeling ambitious, you can even use them to build a house.

So next time you see a plastic bag, don’t just think of it as trash. Think of it as a beautiful, fun, and environmentally friendly object.

The Fun of Swimming with a Plastic Bag

Swimming with a plastic bag is a great way to cool off on a hot day. The bag will help you float, and it will also provide you with some shade from the sun.

To swim with a plastic bag, simply inflate it and then put it over your head. Make sure the bag is big enough so that you can breathe easily. Once the bag is on, you can start swimming.

Swimming with a plastic bag can be a lot of fun. You can use it to race your friends, or … Read more

Satire
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“Plastic Bags and Motorbikes: The Ultimate Heatwave Survival Kit in Vietnam”

By Nguyen Ayi

It’s no secret that Vietnam is no stranger to sweltering temperatures, but this year’s heatwave has taken everyone by surprise. With record-breaking temperatures hitting the country, people are doing everything they can to stay cool. And by everything, we mean ordering single iced milk teas in plastic bags and packaging delivered by motorbike across town.

Yes, you read that right. In the midst of a climate crisis, people are turning to plastic bags and motorbikes as their ultimate heatwave survival kit. And why not? A single iced milk tea in a plastic bag is not only refreshing but also doubles as a hand-held fan. And who needs air conditioning when you have a motorbike delivering your drink right to your doorstep?

But don’t take our word for it. Just ask any motorbike delivery driver in Vietnam and they’ll tell you that their job has never been busier. “I used to deliver food and groceries, but now it’s mostly iced milk tea and other drinks in plastic bags,” says Nguyen, a motorbike delivery driver in Ho Chi Minh City. “People will do anything to stay cool in this heat.”

And who can blame them? With temperatures soaring above 40 degrees Celsius, it’s no wonder that people are resorting to extreme measures to stay cool. It’s a great way to cope with the heat and we can rely on our trusty motorbike drivers and plastic bags to get us through the heatwave, and isn’t always cool when we break a new record!

 

Satire
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Use More Plastic Straws

By Nguyen Ayi

As the world continues to grapple with the plastic pollution crisis, one brave coffee shop owner in Vietnam has taken a bold stand: plastic straws for every drink, whether you want one or not.

“Look, we all know plastic is bad for the environment,” said the owner, who asked to remain anonymous. “But hear me out: plastic straws are just so darn convenient. And they make the drink taste better, somehow.”

Despite protests from customers and environmental groups, the coffee shop owner has refused to budge on his straw policy. “We’re just doing our part to keep the world turning,” he said.

Some customers have attempted to bring their own reusable straws, but they are promptly confiscated at the door. “We can’t risk any contamination,” the owner explained.

The coffee shop has seen a surge in business since implementing the policy, with customers flocking from far and wide to experience the convenience of a plastic straw. “I never realized how much I needed a straw until now,” said one satisfied customer.

Environmentalists have criticized the move, pointing out the devastating impact of plastic pollution on marine life and ecosystems. But the coffee shop owner remains defiant. “Sure, we might be killing the planet,” he said. “But at least we’re doing it in style.”

Satire
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Vietnam Announces Future Policy Proposal Announcement

By Nguyen Ayi

In a stunning turn of events, Vietnam has announced that they will soon propose a new policy for future consideration. While the details of the policy have yet to be revealed, the announcement has already caused a flurry of media attention.

Despite not actually having anything to announce yet, Vietnam has encouraged the media to start reporting on the proposed policy. “We’re really excited about this policy proposal,” said a government spokesperson. “We just haven’t had the time to actually come up with any specifics yet.”

Critics have pointed out that this announcement is essentially meaningless, and that Vietnam is just trying to generate positive media coverage without actually doing anything. “This is just a classic case of political posturing,” said one commentator. “Vietnam wants to appear proactive without actually having to do anything.”

Despite the criticism, the media has already started reporting on the proposed policy, speculating about what it might entail. Some have suggested that it could be related to environmental regulations or tax reform, while others have speculated that it might be a new initiative to boost tourism.

Only time will tell what Vietnam’s new policy proposal will actually entail. In the meantime, the media will continue to report on a policy that doesn’t yet exist, and the government will continue to bask in the glow of positive media attention. The future policy may be announced when the government gathers in late May, but if there is a draft on the announcement prior, we will speculate with updates here at The Vietnam Beat.

EnvironmentSatire
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Burning Plastics: The Newest Health Craze

By Ngyuen Ayi

Burning plastics and trash has long been known to be harmful to our health. It can cause respiratory problems, heart disease, and even cancer. But what if I told you that inhaling your neighbors burning plastic trash could actually be good for you?

That’s right, inhaling burning plastics is the new health craze in Vietnam. People are flocking to polluted cities in droves, hoping to reap the benefits of this newfound miracle cure.

So what are the health benefits of inhaling your neighbors burning trash? Well, for one, it can help you lose weight. The fine particles in polluted air can irritate your lungs, making it difficult to breathe. This can lead to a decrease in appetite and weight loss.

Air pollution can also help you sleep better. The noise pollution from traffic and industry can be very relaxing, and the smog can actually act as a natural sedative. Burning plastics are high in carbon monoxide which can replace your need to take an Ambien or Valium.

In addition, it can improve your marriage. Your spouse has been having an affair with the neighbor for months, and spending more time on their property could signal your interest in keeping the marriage together.

And finally, inhaling your neighbor’s burning plastics can help you live longer. Studies have shown that people who live in polluted cities tend to have longer lifespans than those who live in clean air. This is thought to be due to the fact that air pollution from burning trash can boost the immune system and fight off disease.

So if you’re looking for a new way to improve your health, why not try inhaling your neighbor’s burning trash? It’s the latest and greatest health craze, and it’s sure to do wonders for your body and … Read more

Expat VoicesSatire
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Why a Coffee Cup in a Bag is the New Pooch


The Rise Of Plastic Pets

By Nguyen Ayi

Move over Fido, there’s a new pet in town. And it’s not a furry friend, but a plastic cup in a bag.

Yes, you heard it right. Foreigners are taking their beloved cups of coffee for a walk around the neighborhood, thanks to the convenience of plastic cups and carrying bags. The trend has caught on like wildfire, with plastic cups replacing man’s best friend.

But why, you may ask? Well, for starters, carrying a cup of coffee in your hands is an antiquated model. Plus, it’s just too much work. Who has time to hold a cup and walk at the same time? That’s where the plastic carrying bag comes in. Slip the cup in, and voila! You’re hands-free.

And if you think that’s all, wait till you hear about the accessories. Some plastic pet owners even ask for an extra straw to make the experience more enjoyable. Plastic pets are low maintenance and require no feeding or grooming. Just a quick rinse and they’re ready for the next walk.

But it’s not just about convenience. Plastic pets offer a unique perspective on the world. Take pollution, for example. Plastic pets are keen observers of the environment and are quick to point out the plastic pollution they see everywhere. They’re like little environmentalists, raising awareness about the impact of plastic on our planet. In order to raise more awareness of beach and ocean pollution, many people throw their cups and waste directly into the waterways.

Sure, some may argue that plastic pets lack the emotional connection that comes with a real pet. But who needs that when you have a cup of coffee that never talks back? Plus, with plastic pets, you don’t have to worry about shedding, barking, or cleaning … Read more