Published in partnership with presidentlardass.com, Propublica did not contribute to this story and won’t return our calls
By Tammy Pon
What a glorious day to be an expat in Vietnam, watching the American circus from afar! Today’s feature presentation? The Senate Armed Services Committee’s hearing on Pete Hegseth, the man with a résumé as questionable as the reasons behind the Vietnam War itself.
Picture this: a gaggle of veterans, veterans of a war they lost, standing at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, rallying behind Hegseth. It’s like watching a bunch of medieval knights proudly waving their flags after a disastrous defeat, all because they’re convinced that their ideology—whatever that means—makes them the true victors. You know, that same ideology that led to the killing of innocents because, well, freedom.
Hegseth is strutting into this hearing with a cocktail of allegations swirling around him like a well-mixed Mai Tai. He’s got reports of wild drinking, sexual harassment, and financial mismanagement that could make even the most seasoned expat raise an eyebrow. He’s qualified to be an underpaid English teacher with no benefits, no vacation, and excessive teaching hours in Saigon. He deserves the worst place in the world to teach English. Speaking of mincing words, look at Hegseth’s staunch opposition to renaming military bases that honor Confederate generals. I mean, why change a name? It’s not like the world has evolved since the Civil War. And hey, if you’re going to hang onto a piece of history, why not cling to the parts that glorify losing causes?
And then there’s his delightful little manifesto, “An American Crusade,” where he calls for a holy war against anyone he deems an “internal enemy.” Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? The only difference is that this time, instead of sending troops overseas to battle vague threats, he wants to unleash them domestically. Because nothing screams “land of the free” like a military crackdown on dissent, right?
Here we are, in a country that once faced the wrath of American might—where innocent lives were lost over ideological battles—and now those very ideologies are the only thing the GOP seems to have left. So as the Senate deliberates and we have to see a stupid, fucking veterans’ rally with ignoramuses in denial for decades, I’ll be here in Vietnam, sipping my coffee and enjoying the show. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my time as an expat, it’s that sometimes the best way to deal with the insanity back home is to embrace the chaos, and laugh at the stupid fucking, dumb bubble. And remember: history might repeat itself, but it’s always viewed best with National Health Care, Zero Crime, $250 rent and $1 beers.