by Nguyen Ayi
Are traditional scientific facts holding back our society? Should we question everything, even basic laws of physics? According to a certain revolutionary English teacher in Saigon, the answer is a resounding YES. Meet Mr. Archibald Q. Unconventional, the proud maverick who is shattering the boundaries of critical thinking, one mask at a time.
In his quest to introduce alternative truths and challenge the very foundation of scientific principles, Mr. Unconventional has taken it upon himself to question the importance of masks in today’s society. While the world grapples with the COVID-19 pandemic, this intrepid educator believes that wearing masks to protect oneself and others is nothing more than an elaborate hoax.
Armed with his unmatched grasp of air-tight logic, Mr. Unconventional proceeds to share his mind-boggling theories with his unsuspecting students. He begins with a scientific argument so complex that the average mind would buckle under its weight: nanometers. With eyes glittering with passion, he mesmerizes his attentive audience with a spiel about how the minuscule size of the virus particles allows them to dance their way through all mask materials.
One child in the class, Timmy, determined to bring attention to his desperation, dares to raise his hand and challenge Mr. Unconventional’s notions. Timmy explains that he wears a mask to hide a particularly troublesome zit from the observant eyes of the girl sitting next to him. Mr. Unconventional nods sagely and replies, “Ah, Timmy, your desire for self-preservation clearly trumps the merits of scientific conformity. We shall highlight this as a shining example of individuality!”
But Mr. Unconventional does not stop there; he endeavors to instigate critical thinking in his students further. He encourages them to embrace a world where gravity can be selectively suspended, where 2+2 can equal 5, and where unicorns roam freely on the streets of Saigon. To Mr. Unconventional, embracing these alternative realities showcases the true might of the human mind, shunning the chains of conformity that society shackles us with.
Naturally, Mr. Unconventional’s teaching methods have sparked some controversy, causing a small stir amongst the more traditional educators. But to him, the skeptics are nothing more than ignorant froth atop the wave of wisdom he embraces. They simply cannot comprehend the vast potential lying dormant within his classroom. After all, where else can children learn the art of believing things just because they are inconceivably outrageous?
In conclusion, Mr. Archibald Q. Unconventional, the fearless explorer of intellectual territories yet to be charted, is a pioneer guiding his students through uncharted waters of unconventional wisdom. By challenging the norms of science and encouraging students to question not just the answers but the questions themselves, he shapes innovative minds willing to boldly reject even the most fundamental truths.
So, next time you encounter someone ardently advocating for the merits of wearing a mask, remember – they’re just trying to cover up a zit and adhere to outdated laws of logic. Keep questioning, keep exploring, and embark on your own journey towards the unhinged realms of pseudo-rationality.