This article is satire and does not reflect reality, much like crypto enthusiasts and the pro-crypto Vietnamese press.
By Nguyen Ayi
In a move that has shocked the crypto community, Vietnam has announced that it will be regulating cryptocurrency to protect its most vulnerable citizens from scams and bad investments. This decision comes as no surprise to those who have been following China’s recent crackdowns on other sectors such as education and big tech.
Wise officials in charge argue that crypto is just data and has no intrinsic value, making it the perfect breeding ground for scams and bad investments.
“We’re just trying to protect our citizens from themselves,” says a government spokesperson. “We’ve seen too many people lose their life savings on these so-called ‘investments,’ and we can’t allow that to continue.”
One disgruntled expat, who asked to remain anonymous, expressed frustration with the new regulations. “I couldn’t even pay for my $1.50 Banh Mi with my Doouchecoin,” he exclaimed. “I don’t carry cash because my entire life savings is in this coin that my brother-in-law gave me a hot tip on. Now what am I supposed to do?”
Many are praising the government’s efficiency in finally regulating crypto, likening it to China’s swift action in recent years. “We’re just doing our job,” says the spokesperson. “We’re here to protect our citizens, and we take that responsibility very seriously.”
It remains to be seen how these new regulations will affect the crypto market in Vietnam, but one thing is certain – the government will not stand idly by while its citizens are taken advantage of.