Day-Old Bread Used For Series of Stabbings
Saigon, Vietnam — The peaceful streets of Saigon have become the backdrop for a series of notorious “banh mi stabbings,” in disputes over money.
The alarming trend reportedly began at a family reunion last weekend when the Nguyens were divided over a modest inheritance that included a peculiar stash of day-old banh mi. Ms. Nguyen, who only partially uttered this while clutching a loaf of bread. “It was supposed to be a peaceful gathering.”
While economics experts attribute the rise in tensions to the current inflation rate, local chefs argue it’s all about the bread. “Stale banh mi breeds resentment,” states renowned chef M. Phan, who recently opened a trendy café called Co Ba Ma, specializing in fresh bread.
By the end of the last incident, the “Banh Mi Massacre,” the Nguyen family is now down two members with sliced and diced relationships – and a few emergency room visits. “I couldn’t believe it,” said neighbor Minh Tran. “One minute, they were arguing about who borrowed money from whom, and the next, there we stabbing each other with rock hard baguettes.”
As news spreads, local residents are rushing to their kitchen cupboards to stock up on fresh loaves instead of negotiating marital property agreements. “I think I’ll just keep my bread in the sun from now on,” says Tran. “Day-old? No thank you! I am the breadwinner and sole provider in the family.”