by Joe Fotalattee
In a heartwarming display of camaraderie, Vietnam’s billionaires have recently taken to state-owned media to share the emotional toll of their immense wealth, particularly in the realm of labor exploitation via private investment schools. “It’s not as easy being a tycoon as you might think,” sighed Tran Van Phú, a prominent billionaire and owner of a conglomerate of private schools, as he deftly twirled a golden pen inscribed with the phrase “Hard Work Pays Off” inlaid with diamonds.
“It’s exhausting being this successful. While I’m enjoying my third mansion in LA, I often find myself reflecting on the burden of our success.”
Phú, alongside fellow magnates, addressed the nation about their struggles to balance profit margins with the emotional turmoil of exploiting labor. “Our schools offer ‘educational opportunities’ for underprivileged children, but have you heard about the emotional stress that comes from not providing teachers the basics like paid vacation? It haunts me. I can’t even find time to lobby for another tax break,” he lamented.
An even heavier weight: family members borrowing minuscule sums from them. “I have a niece who owes me 500,000 VND,” he continued, eyes brimming with unshed tears. “How could she do this to me?”
Nguyen Thi Mi, another billionaire who revolutionized fast fashion through sweatshop labor, chimed in. “Just last week, my cousin asked me for a small loan of 1 million VND for a school trip. I mean, can you imagine? It’s shameful! Now I have to compute interest rates based on a debt that could barely buy a pair of silk socks. How do you navigate those kinds of family dynamics while also trying to maintain a pristine real estate portfolio handed down from my grandparents?”
Luxury in a Lonely World
As they continued their confessions, it became apparent that these tycoons also face the challenge of having too much wealth. “Sometimes, my homes are too large,” confessed Phú. “When I walk from my chef’s kitchen to the infinity pool, I reach a level of existential dread that’s hard to shake off. Meanwhile, my children are struggling to find themselves in a world where they can’t possibly compare to their father’s towering achievements.”
Sharing the Pain with the People
The billionaires collectively assured viewers that they were grateful to share their struggles with the general populace through state-run media outlets. “It’s our duty to show the plebeians that wealth can be isolating. Knowing that they’re living vicariously through our tales of triumph and woe makes it all worth it,” Mi beamed confidently. “If they can take comfort in the knowledge that we feel their pain while sipping champagne in private clubs, then we’ve done our job.”