Satire by Karen Cohen
Ho Chi Minh City Police Department has recently devised a scheme to inspect the residences of all foreigners within the city. Their obsession? None other than the underwear foreigners are wearing. Why is the Ho Chi Minh City Police so interested in our undergarments?
During a recent inspection at an American expat’s residence, Officer Nguyen Tuan expressed his bewilderment, stating, “I’ve never seen a boxer brief style bathing suit before! They looked rather strange to me, like shorts that got caught in a pants factory malfunction.” Tuan continued, scratching his head in confusion, “And 100% cotton? Is that some secret code for international espionage?”
Another officer, Officer Tran, remarked that foreigner’s underwear often smelled like cabbage. “I mean, seriously, have they switched to cabbage-scented fabric softeners? It’s a scent that has forever engraved itself into the deepest recesses of my olfactory system.”
But it didn’t end at underwear. The inspection also ventured into the realm of foreign socks. “I have been a police officer for over two decades, and never before have I seen a pair of socks that weren’t green,” exclaimed one officer, still in a state of shock.
Unfortunately, Officer Linh expressed his disappointment, citing a lack of a “proper sample size” to investigate fully. Referring to the period when foreigners were purged from the city during the COVID lockdown, he lamented,
“It’s a shame we couldn’t lay our hands on more underwear to sniff during those difficult times. I hope that with the upcoming multi-month, multi-entry visa policies, we can finally indulge our olfactory senses to the fullest!”
While it is an undeniable fact that foreign direct investment plays a significant role in driving Ho Chi Minh City’s economy, it remains to be seen whether inspecting foreigners’ abodes for underwear choices is the best way to support this crucial sector. Critics argue that focusing on reasonable visa policies and fostering a welcoming environment would be a more productive approach.
As this bizarre scheme unfolds, foreigners in Ho Chi Minh City can only hope that the police will shift their attention towards matters more relevant to public safety. After all, it is not the fabric of our socks and underwear that truly defines us but rather the understanding and collaboration between different cultures that will drive a prosperous future for all.