Nguyen Ayi

Satire by Joe Fotalattee

Numerous unmuzzled children and men were witnessed peeing outside in Binh Thanh and Phu Nhuan districts.

Drunk men now use Truong Sa Street and Hoang Sa Street along the canal as a toilet, which spans about eight kilometers and passes through seven districts, including District 1, District 3, District 10, Phu Nhuan, Tan Binh, Go Vap, and Binh Thanh.

“Many people are so irresponsible that they bring their children to this green space to poop, leaving behind strong odors,” said a street cleaning worker in Phu Nhuan District. “I mean there are people who use this space for their cute dogs.”

Many people downtown have been irresponsible with their children and husbands, allowing them to roam in public spaces and creating a nuisance in our natural spaces.

“I make sure mine wash their hands after, but it is hard to train others like the food vendors littering the neighborhood,” said Binh Vinh, who regularly disciplines his children with spankings and occasionally beats his wife.

Moc Lon, a mom at the park in District 3 added, “It isn’t inhumane to teach your kids simple hygiene. Don’t get me wrong, I am not some sociopath that hates animals, I just want people to behave better and use some common sense when it comes to the issues that matter.”

“I am honestly so sick of children running wild in the street like chickens. I don’t want to blame the parents when we could muzzle the children, or at least have one of those kid leashes,” said Con Dee, a local business owner of a dangerous and amateur plastic surgery business in Phu Nhuan.

“These parents should get their kids a pet so they learn some responsibility and empathy. I wouldn’t want my kid growing up to become some asshole, … Read more

Satire by Joe Fotalattee

“It’s the principle!”, shouted Chip Sharts, 47, as he posted about being overcharged 2,000VND in the Facebook Expat group. Tinh Quyen had made Sharts a 15k sugar cane juice on Friday in Tan Dinh district. Sharts says she normally charges 12K for the large cup and figures that she suspected he wouldn’t know any better.

Sharts in an exclusive to The Beat, said, “I just moved in next door and signed a two-year lease. I live here and drink sugarcane twice a day. Now, I have to pass this lady every day and get my sugarcane around the block.” He was considering a police report over the eight cents but doesn’t know how to because he doesn’t speak the local language after 15 years of living in Saigon.

Sharts remained baffled, “That’s over seven million VND she won’t get from me the next two years, I just don’t get it.” His salary at an international school for four days a week is 30x that of Quyen who has been working from 6 am-11 pm seven days a week for the past 12 years. Quyen told The Beat she would return the eight cents difference if given the chance, but “had already invested it in BitCoin.”

Sharts doesn’t hold it against her and says he is understanding the difference between cultures. “I consider myself multicultural and completely understand where those people are coming from, and accept that they have an overall general culture of dishonesty.”

When asked what his local wife thought of the ordeal, he stated he didn’t know where she was right now. “I think she is visiting her grandma at the hospital.”

Exclusive update and correction: undercover investigative reporters from The Beat patronized the Nuoc Mia stand, and indeed the price is … Read more