Satire By Joe Fotalatte
Tourism in Vietnam is reportedly up 3,700% by comparing domestic tourism numbers to international tourism numbers of 1918 during the Spanish flu pandemic.
Director of ToursForYou in District 1, Max E. Pad, told The Beat, he is happy with these latest numbers. “These days we don’t even have to do statistical tricks like counting French colonialist occupiers in Sapa as tourists.”
Pad says inflating dismal numbers has been easier than ever. “Every time I drive from my home in District 3 to District 1, I count myself as a domestic tourist. Betty from accounting is a tourist in like 6 districts before she even shows up late.”
International tourists seem as excited about the new numbers. Philip McCracken, an English teacher in various centers said, “There are like 70,000 international tourists this past year, and I am so proud to be 12 of them as I bribed officers in Moc Bai.”
Tourism experts agree that the best part of doubling down on bad policy is that there is no accountability. “We can just pretend it is the same visa policy it has always been and if an entire industry collapses, at least we still have our jobs and can pat ourselves on the back,” Chuck McCrap, director of AMCHUM told The Beat.
Vietnam plans to consider visa policies similar to Cambodia, Thailand, and neighboring countries, which have fully rebounded their tourism industry. Tourism experts will discuss more for several months and then submit a draft proposal, which will be the news of the day since a new policy will still not exist.
Editor’s note: This fake story was inspired by this article and this more hilarious numbers comparison