HO CHI MINH CITY, VIETNAM— Amidst local conversation about degenerate foreigners, one expat is celebrating a personal victory: the continued legality of his beloved substances—coffee, beer, and cigarettes.
Peter Johnson, an enthusiastic English teacher and proud connoisseur of life’s indulgences. “I can’t believe it!” he exclaimed while sipping a steaming cup of artisan coffee brewed just moments before. “Here, I can enjoy my vices without the fear of legal repercussions.”
While Peter enjoys his brew, let’s take a quick look at the numbers. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), alcohol kills approximately 2.8 million people a year globally. Tobacco-related illnesses claim around 8 million lives annually. Yet, Peter’s local café owner isn’t worried about those stats. “The only figures that matter are the ones on my tax forms,” he chuckled, mixing up a fresh batch of coffee cocktails that somehow balances both caffeine and alcohol.
Peter offers a conspiratorial grin as he lights up his cigarette, “It’s simple economics. I can keep smoking and drinking because local businesses knows they can’t afford to upset their cash cows.”
For Peter, the allure of his ‘approved’ substances offers a sense of freedom that folks are more than happy to exploit. “If I were back home, I’d be nervously skirting around the law for much less while slaving away for some over-inflated bureaucratic virtue signaling.”
While he indulges in what could only be described as a vice trifecta (coffee in the morning, beers at noon, and cigarettes by evening), Peter remains indifferent to how much taxpayer money goes towards healthcare for conditions related to his choices. “At the end of the day, this is a free country,” he declares, raising his beer in a toast to questionable governance and exceptional caffeine.
As Peter relishes his drinks, he reflects on the raw essence of his experience living abroad. “Here, it’s not about right or wrong; it’s about whether you contribute to the tax treasury. Live dangerously? At least I can book a seat at the bar without worrying about my next mugshot.”
As we watch him down another cup of that highly caffeinated brew (followed by a cold beer variant that suspiciously has a coffee flavor), it’s evident that in the mind of this expat, sometimes ignorance is bliss, especially when that bliss comes legally packaged and tax-boosted. Cheers, Peter!