This article is not satire

OIL STAINED LAUNDROMAT

Vietnam and Russia Dodge Sanctions Using Oil Profits to Repay Russian Arms

As reported by APNEWS, Russia and Vietnam are letting oil and gas profits play musical chairs across Siberia and Saigon until military hardware is paid for with as little paper trail as possible.

Under the arrangement: Vietnam buys jets, tanks and ships from Russia on credit. Then, they funnel profits from their joint Siberian oil venture to Moscow to settle the tab. Any leftover profits perform a graceful national identity swap — routed to a Russian state oil firm, which then funnels the same amount back into Vietnam through a local joint venture.

Officials who leaked the memos say the system was finalized while diplomats sipped tea ahead of a presidential visit, because nothing says “strategic partnership” like synchronised ledgers. Petrovietnam’s memo cheerfully notes the scheme keeps everything “within the territory of Vietnam and Russia,” which translates to: “No SWIFT? No problem.”

Washington, issues the usual cautionary finger wag about sanctions staying in place while diplomats ask themselves whether to be annoyed or professionally impressed. Think-tankers called it “next-level stuff,” which is analyst-speak for “clever and mildly terrifying.”

Vietnam, anxious about its giant neighbor China but increasingly chummy with the U.S., still depends on Russian hardware and spare parts. Russia, meanwhile, prefers getting paid in barrels and back-channel somersaults rather than polite bank transfers. Together, they’ve produced a system designed to keep sailors afloat, pilots flying, and accountants very busy.

Vietnam is simply hedging: cozy with Moscow where it counts for defense, friendly with Washington where it counts for trade.