Expats Selfishly Volunteer To Increase Birthrates
In a bold and selfless move, a group of expats in Vietnam has taken it upon themselves to tackle the nation’s declining birthrate crisis. With the current birthrate in Vietnam hovering around 1.64 children per woman, well below the replacement level of 2.1, these altruistic foreigners have decided that the best way to contribute is through a series of questionable romantic entanglements.
Max Pad: The Shrimp Peeler Advocate
Meet Max Pad, a 32-year-old American who has lived in Vietnam for three years. Max, who once claimed he preferred Hooter’s in America where you pay them to peel your shrimp and it goes nowhere, has now found a new calling. “I mean, why pay for shrimp peeling when I can marry the woman peeling my shrimp for free?” he exclaimed, eyes gleaming with the prospect of love and citizenship. “If it means increasing the birthrate, I’m all in! Plus, I hear the wedding parties are a blast!”. He has already proposed to three different women at his local seafood restaurant, each time promising to “bring the shrimp back to America” if they agree to bear his children.
Michael: The Distracted Educator
Then there’s Michael, a 58-year-old English teacher from Canada. Michael has openly admitted that he is gay, but he believes that having a baby might just keep his mind off some of his male students. “I Googled the age of consent here while at work, and it’s only 15,” he said, chuckling nervously. “I figured if I have a baby to care for, it’ll be a great distraction. Plus, I can teach them English! It’s a win-win!” Michael’s insists that his intentions are pure. “I just want to help Vietnam’s birthrate while also keeping my thoughts in check. It’s all about balance, right?”
Sarah “The Fertility Fairy”
Sarah, a 30-year-old Australian yoga instructor, has taken a more spiritual approach. “I believe in the power of positive energy,” she said while performing a downward dog pose. “If I can channel my chakras into creating life, then I’m doing my part for the nation. Plus, I’ve heard that Vietnamese men are very in touch with their feelings, which is a refreshing change from the guys back home.” Sarah has already started a “Fertility Yoga” class, where she encourages participants to meditate on their reproductive goals.
Tom “The Cultural Ambassador”
Tom, a 40-year-old British expat, has dubbed himself the “Cultural Ambassador” for Vietnam. “I’m here to bridge the gap between cultures, one baby at a time,” he declared, sporting a T-shirt that reads “I Love Vietnam.” Tom has taken to frequenting local bars, where he engages in deep conversations about the importance of family and the future of the nation. “If I can convince just one woman to have my child, I’ll consider it a success,” he said, raising his glass in solidarity with his fellow expats.
As these expats embark on their noble quest to increase Vietnam’s birthrate, the future of Vietnam may very well rest in the hands of these well-meaning, albeit misguided, expats. And who knows? Perhaps their selfish acts of love will indeed lead to a baby boom, one shrimp peeler at a time.