It is a shame this article isn’t satire
HUNG YEN, Vietnam– The Trump Organization has decided to expand its empire into Vietnam, offering local farmers a choice between a fistful of dollars and a generous helping of rice in exchange for their land. Finally, Trump is going after poor people!
The project, which is set to transform a lush farming area into a luxury golf resort, has been fast-tracked by Vietnamese authorities as they negotiate a crucial trade deal with Washington. Reminds me of that time I ran over a Vietnamese grandma with my motorbike and kept going.
Nguyen Thi Huong, a local farmer, was recently informed that she must vacate her farm for the Trump family-backed golf resort. The compensation? A mere $3,200 and some rice provisions. “Shit, I was pissed when that was my pay per month at my last International School job,” a foreigner lamented.
The golf course, which will cover a staggering 990 hectares. “The whole village is worried about this project because it will take our land and leave us jobless,” Huong said. But don’t worry, sweetheart, Trump will hire you as contractors to clear your own land, then not pay you like everyone of his other developments.
KickBack City
The local real estate company, Kinhbac City, has been dubbed “KickBack City” by locals who are not shy about expressing their skepticism. Talk about government officials rubbing the white “com” in their wrinkled grandmas’ faces. The Trump Organization will receive a $5 million fee for brand licensing rights, while the local government will handle the compensation payouts.
“Trump’s family business will run the club once completed,” a local official stated. Oh, take profits once the government finishes building it with poor people’s taxes! It is time to send Barron to a Cambodian Casino for the first job in his life.
The government assured farmers that they would be reimbursed fairly, but one local joked, “The government has rice on its face.” Locals feel they should have moved to America and got jobs at Walmart when they had the chance.
Meanwhile, local developers are also breaking ground on a new Jeffery Epstein Resort near the border of Vietnam, Cambodia, and Laos. It will feature a six-hole, a nine-hole, a twelve-and-a-half-hole, and a traditional eighteen-hole option. There’s even a very mini putt featuring extra smooth greens. In a final twist, there’s a Viet-style sand trap where you can pay 100,000 dong to the course official who will look the other way. Drop balls, not bombs!
Americans who say they hate communism have obviously never wanted to kick a bunch of poor farmers off their land in order to build a luxury golf resort that caters to a very small group of elite rich. Welcome to the new era of “compassionate capitalism,” where the rich get richer, and the poor get rice!
