By Joe Fotalattee
Randy Johnson, 67, retired to Vietnam four years ago and looks to receive a work permit if he can only find his Teacher of English to Speakers of Other Language (TESOL) certificate from thirty years ago.
The Vietnam work permit, designed to ensure high-quality education, requires Johnson to have the certification, which anyone can buy on the internet with a few clicks.
Johnson was the Director of Science Teaching and Learning in the Faculty of Arts and Sciences at Harvard for the past thirty years, and had a stint teaching ESL overseas in the 80s.
“I had received all of these certificates from companies trying to make a buck, but I had no idea how to teach until I spent a few years in a classroom,” Johnson told The Beat.
According to Johnson, he is proficient in TOEIC, TOEFL, IELTS, KET, GMAT, A-LEVELS, and SAT prep.
“Now Cambridge has repackaged the same thing they have been teaching for the last 300 years and are calling it Cambridge Unified New Tertiary. Parents keep asking me if I have a CUNT certificate but I just don’t know where I put it”, explained Johnson.
He admits that he also misplaces everyday items like his keys and wallet, but still has things important to him like a bowling trophy and his high school yearbook.
“If I knew I would have to humiliate myself in front of a bunch of kindergartners wetting themselves while I am wearing Depends to stay in a country, I would have saved the damn thing, or got a real certification like a CELTA.” Johnson calls it the only legitimate teaching certification next to a real license because it requires actual teaching of six whole hours.
Johnson’s plans to use this month’s social security check to buy a third TESOL online.